RIP

So my Dell dimension 8200 has passed on into cyber heaven finally after 10years. It just ceased. So I had a ball dismanteling it and setting it's guts aside for a recycled art project. I sort of feel like Spencer from iCarly lol. I wont miss the stress and wasted time that thing caused me. R.I.Pieces you piece of crap. And may our new working Dell bring us much happiness.

I went to Bestbuy out of desperation to purchase a new pc. Only to find out my store credit was cut way back- without notice. Son of a Bitch. Luckily I had just recieved a new business credit line (funny since I barely have any business coming in) so it was meant to be. I can't work with out a functioning pc so it was neccessary. It seems like everything is breaking this year. The AC unit, the pc, and I dont want to say it but 2 of our televisions are on it's way out I think. Shhhh... It's true we have the old big clunky tv's still, but if it's not broke I don't plan to upgrade. It will be nice to have the HD wall mounted flat screens someday though. I really want to put one back into my bedroom for those days I don't want to be bothered. Ahhh sanctuary.

I really feel the weighted stress on my chest having to make such a big purchase. God? when are we going to catch a huge financial break? You know, I'd be greatly satisfied winning the CASH 5 jackpot of $500,000. It doesn't have to be a million. Lol Just enough to buy my home, and pay off my debts. And make some home improvements-send the kids to college that sort of thing. Then my husband could afford to take a $15.00 an hour job and not worry. God? if you're listening, please reconsider?

What is this funky feeling I'm having? It doesnt seem to want a shake. I think I'm still carrying some bad mojo from a few weeks ago. When did I become so cynical and negative? I've always been sarcastic but only in fun. I don't like it. I find myself not even enjoying the little things anymore. I'm so outta touch with myself and surroundings- help? I'm lost! I lost my internal mapquest :(

I need a spiritual retreat to reconnect with my roots. Cause right now I'm in limbo, stumbling around in the dark. I did find a small piece of myself two nights ago while painting an art piece- but it was short lived. I love those quiet evenings when it's just me and my artists brush and the radio tuned into 104.5fm. Maybe I'll do some scrapbooking. That usually reminds me of all the blessings in my life. I just hope I can tap into the creativeness I've been lacking. Get me out of this RUT please?

Maybe I need to make time for reading. Reading usually gets me into a good zone. But the book has to really grab my attention. Chris goes to the library often and brings home good titles, but none seem to hold my attention. How many spiritualistic self help books can I read? It's like reading the same book over & over again. Obviously none are working right now for me. Somethings missing, and i can't quite put my finger on it. God lead the way please? send me the next sign on where to go, and what to do, even if it's just a book title to read. Something? I'll try to pay attention. Promise.