Broken Rules

This chick is in my brain reading my thoughts, & in my heart, & gifted as all hell with her instrumental and vocal skillz. She's passionate and her songs sound so honest. I can't get enough of her work. iTunes AsAp! I must have all her work!

Christina Perri Sings "Crying"

Christina Perri is officially my favorite female vocal artist as of today. Her radio hit Jar of Hearts grabbed my attention, so I looked up her other songs only to LOVE HER MORE! I love this chicks guts! Her voice is freaking amazing, she rocks the guitar and she's freaking HOT! I think I'm in love. Gonna bleach my hair out asap. LOL

The way she sings "Crying" is amazing, and heartfelt. I cried listening to this as gay as that might sound. She hit a nerve with me on this one. LOVE HER!

Who is that Kid?

My son is crazy. I love him to death but I can't help but to wonder; who the hell is he? My husband thinks he may his father reincarnated because he routes for the opposite sports teams that my husband likes. Haha Now that would be something. But as a mother, I try to figure out his personality and what he'll be when he becomes of age. He's got me at a complete loss. I just don't know.

While at home he is:

• Strong personality- loud, energetic
• Drama king really plays up on things as a manipulation tactic to get what he wants.
• Lazy, totally dependant on others- with things he can be doing himself.
• Does not listen when told to do something.
• Always making deals, to stay up later, eat whatever, play video games etc.
• Is lovable.
• Will help out when HE feels like it.
• Always needs full attention of one parent or other.
• Wants to entertain you with comedy, funny dances, or rhymes.

While not at home, or with others;

• Tends to be bossy, and demanding
• Needs constant attention of caregiver to play
• Uses force or threats when upset or angry.
• Can play really well with others on a good day.

His interests are:

• Art, drawing, painting, crafts
• Video games, adventure & combat
• Cartoons such as Tom & Jerry, Scooby Doo, Spongebob
• Samurai, Ninjas, G.I.Joes
• Mock combat, with swords, toy guns.
• He loves cats (at least he doesnt try to hurt them anymore)
• Enjoys when I read to him, but doesnt like to read himself.

Maybe he's just too young to figure out at age 6. hahaha All I know is, he's the exact opposite of my first born. Much harder on the nerves and patience. Way more demanding than any child should be for two parents. ::sigh::

Saw that coming.

After pleading the facts to the Master in the matters of "George NOT paying child support," the Master ruled in my daughters favor. George was asked a series of questions, that he himself in fact answered. Now I've been given another court date to appear at because he now denies everything he said (to the Master). George is appealing the Masters ruling of a simple $470 a month, and $4,000 in arrears. What a joke. But I can't say I'm suprised- I'm not. And I'm not even upset about it. Because, karma will get him, karma has been getting him. And so long as he keeps playing this game, karma will keep punching him in that big fat ugly mug of his.

And for the record, I'll keep airing his wrong doings in my blog and on facebook. If you want people to say good things about you- then be a good person. Not a hit & run that skips out on his financial obligations. And definately not a sneaky low life liar who tries to split up a happy family because he's suddenly curious about a long lost child he didn't want 15 years ago.

Karma :) Look it up knucklehead.

Answered Prayers

As you all should know by now, my black cat, the eldest cat had fallen ill back in October. We were so worried that we'd lose him after he lost most of his body weight, fur and gained yellowed skin from his fatty liver disease. I'm still not sure what caused his sickness, I'm just so very happy to announce that our prayers have been answered. Because Talis is now starting to gain some weight back, his skin is a healthy white color again, and his fur is everywhere!!! lol He's able to shed again, and his little bald patch from his IV is starting to grow back now. (It's been since November) He's been given another shot at life and I have to thank all of you for your blessings and prayers. They have certainly been answered. :)

Talis now plays with the other kitties, bouncing around with more energy than I've ever seen him. He's back to playing, and he's been eating real well. Talis and Friendly have their moments because I favor them both, but at the end of the day I sleep with Friendly and wake with Talis. Talis curls up in lap, hugging me close like a little chimp. I'm so happy I got my boy back! TY TY TY xox

As I sit back and think about all thats happened, I guess what I've learned from his ailments and the possibilty of losing my closest and best friend (pet) is that death is going to happen eventually to all of us. And even though I hate to imagine life without my Talis, someday it will happen and I will go on. But he will never be far away. We need to enjoy our pets while they are here, and let them go when it's their time. And just treasure all the love and memories they've given us. I've accepted this.... So please UNIVERSE stop testing me. haha

Happy Valentine's Day

So I have to admit, this was the first year that I held no expectations for the holiday. And I was not disappointed. Momma I think I'm all groown up now! haha I was actually more excited for my teenaged daughter getting to experience admirers sending thoughtful gifts, friend or hopeful, it always makes a gal feel special. And my little man was excited to share all his Valentine's after school as well :)

I woke this morning to a nice back rub :) and a dozen long stemmed RED roses :) and a very sweet card with a long handwritten message. It was perfect. The note made the day heartfelt and special. Though we made no plans, we just hung out watching tv. I later got a foot rub :) yay me! I'm a happy girl.

We got the kids some chocolate, I didn't go buck wild this year. But my momma did! She spoils us always. Hehehe such a sweetie she is sending all of us gifts and candy. Mom you are not helping my butt get any smaller with those creamy truffles! hehe.... <3 Her like a crazy! And we won $2 on the scratch offs! I'll trade them in for some powerball or megamillions tickets!

Chris and I spent the holiday going to Barb & Toms V-Day Cocktail Party this passed Saturday. Barb is my party throwing idol. Let me tell ya, this woman goes all out and doesn't miss a trick. And you all thought I was the detail maniac. Tom is pretty awesome too as he works the bar serving drinks all night as well as cooking and doing the dishes. Holla! It's a pretty wild crowd, with naughty minds and lots of funnies. And we ended up staying until 2am! we never usually stay out past 12am anywhere lol.

So yes, it was a very nice Vday weekend. I feel nuttin' but love for yall. ESPECIALLY my new RED high heels gifted from MOM :) LIFE=RED HEELS

Technical difficulties much?

It seems like technology is against me. It's surpassed my expertise and I'm almost as useless as your grandmother would be trying to send a video chat. But I keep trying anyway. Actually I don't think it's my knowledge of technology that is the problem, I think it may be lack of a proficient updated computer. I've been using the family computer which is about 7 or 8 years old for my work, and networking needs. It's also used for entertainment and homework, so it gets used pretty hard. It needs more memory-RAM etc... So I do daily scans, and weekly cleanups. I try to keep my photo files copied and off the pc as soon as Im done with them. But no matter how much cleanup I put into it- it just runs slow as shit! And it becomes very nerve racking! I'm trying my best to build a photography business up, all Im saying is; I waste far too much precious time "waiting" on this darn pc to work as it should.

Today, all I wanted to do was put together a dvd slideshow with some background music. Simple right? Wrong! The program called for wav. mp3 or dogg. file which are your basic sound files. No problem I thought but as I was searching all of many music files on the pc nothing was registering! and I was unable to add music to my slideshow :( My one question in life is this; "WHY DOESN'T ANYTHING EVER WORK AS IT SHOULD?" I have numerous pc and editing programs that I don't use when I could be creating some really awesome works! I even have a pc dj mixing system that I could mix my own beats for parties! But I'll never use it. I have an arcitech program too- I could be designing my dream home. I have printing software, beauty programs, website tools! GUH!!!

The phones have been up and down all week now- suprisingly not affecting my internet at all. Verizon of course says the problem is coming from inside the house and can't send anyone out to look at it for another week. UM.... yeah NO! We have this problem often, about every 6 months or so. It's an outside problem, and it acts up whenever we have severe weather. Our phone line somehow for whatever reason ties into our neighbors box. Their box is not locked, it's just tied together losely with rope. When we have severe winds and storms the connector cables get loose. So why then as a paying customer do we have to keep going through this? FIX the fucking BOX! and stop trying to BILL ME for a maintance call! Geeze... it makes me think what the hell do I pay them for? It eventually worked out though after Chris made the call (from a cell phone of course) Verizon after saying it was an inside problem, ran a test on the line and fixed it. HELLO? seems like it was a Verizon problem to me. Well good news is, that we wont be without a land line.

You know what else gets on my nerves? The VCR/DVD player, and remote controls! and to think I used to be so good at those types of things. Now, Im lucky if I can work my cell phone properly. Which btw- I still havent set up my voice mail.... I kind of dont know how to do it. lol

Motives- Insomniac Chronicals

So last night I was laying in bed thinking about things (of course-because what else would I be doing in bed? lol certainly not sleeping). And, I began thinking about people and situations that have happened with certain people I know, and how alterior motives are usually a driving force. Do most people have alterior motives for everything they do? I find it to be very sad that some need a motive to either get something they want, or to stop something from happening. Why not just cut to the chase and be upfront with your feelings, your wants, and needs? I think it's sneaky and a big waste of time to motive driven. I would rather have people be open and honest with me instead of using manipulation tactics. Because, #1 if you don't feel you can talk openly with me, then you're probably not going to get what you want in the first place. So, don't waste our time.

It takes a lot of planning and thought processing to "play with motives." This is a pass-time I don't endulge in. It's interesting though to listen to some of the crazy scenarios people come up with while trying to pinpoint another's motives. Which also takes a lot of thought, and frankly kind of hurts my brain! lol This is why I could never be motive driven- I'm migraine prone! It just cracks me up how the rest of the world seems to be all caught up in that whole game. I mean, is every one manipulative? Does any one else see the wrong in that? It's so much more real, and easy to just say what you mean, and mean what you say. Be up front about things, and quit beating around the bush. People might find a lot less stress and drama to cope with.... or is that what people are searching for?  Here's some advice, if you like mysteries, play Clue, don't play with peoples lives.

And that!! was last night's Insomniac Chronical. hehehe

Signs

As I walk my son to school in the mornings, I try to be mindful of what's around me on our walk. I make an effort to notice the smell in the air, the sound of the wind, colors painted across the sky, wild life, etc. I really try to pass this mindfulness onto my 6yr old as well, though he's usually preoccupied with the snow, and puddles on the ground. The real enjoyment for me, comes on my quiet walk back home after dropping him at school. Today I decided to look for signs- in choosing which route to travel.

If I caught a red light upon my route, I'd simply cross with the green. This led me down Hawthorne, where I past St. Johns Church. The traffic light then led me passed the church all the way down Tyson where I took notice to all the architectural detail used in the building. I always liked that church, the inside is even more beautiful. But as I continued on my walk, a crow perched a top the crucifix caught my attention with it's caw. I've had a fascination with ravens and crows as of late. Last week I listened to two crows communicating before flocking to the North. Then Jake and I counted 12 ravens (larger than your typical american crow)perched out front of our home in the tree the day after. Fascinating. Ever since, I've been wanting to create something artful inspired by this raven. This morning I decided to research myth and lore, and detailed facts about these magnificant birds. That's it... I'm hooked.

I've got Gothic Romance on my mind. caw caw.....

The Raven

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary,


Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore,

While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,

As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.

"'Tis some visitor," I muttered, "tapping at my chamber door —

Only this, and nothing more."







Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December,

And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor.

Eagerly I wished the morrow; — vainly I had sought to borrow

From my books surcease of sorrow — sorrow for the lost Lenore —

For the rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore —

Nameless here for evermore.



And the silken sad uncertain rustling of each purple curtain

Thrilled me — filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before;

So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating,

"'Tis some visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door —

Some late visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door; —

This it is, and nothing more."



Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,

"Sir," said I, "or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore;

But the fact is I was napping, and so gently you came rapping,

And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my chamber door,

That I scarce was sure I heard you"— here I opened wide the door; —

Darkness there, and nothing more.



Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,

Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before;

But the silence was unbroken, and the stillness gave no token,

And the only word there spoken was the whispered word, "Lenore?"

This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the word, "Lenore!" —

Merely this, and nothing more.



Back into the chamber turning, all my soul within me burning,

Soon again I heard a tapping somewhat louder than before.

"Surely," said I, "surely that is something at my window lattice:

Let me see, then, what thereat is, and this mystery explore —

Let my heart be still a moment and this mystery explore; —

'Tis the wind and nothing more."



Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter,

In there stepped a stately raven of the saintly days of yore;

Not the least obeisance made he; not a minute stopped or stayed he;

But, with mien of lord or lady, perched above my chamber door —

Perched upon a bust of Pallas just above my chamber door —

Perched, and sat, and nothing more.



Then this ebony bird beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,

By the grave and stern decorum of the countenance it wore.

"Though thy crest be shorn and shaven, thou," I said, "art sure no craven,

Ghastly grim and ancient raven wandering from the Nightly shore —

Tell me what thy lordly name is on the Night's Plutonian shore!"

Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."



Much I marveled this ungainly fowl to hear discourse so plainly,

Though its answer little meaning— little relevancy bore;

For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being

Ever yet was blest with seeing bird above his chamber door —

Bird or beast upon the sculptured bust above his chamber door,

With such name as "Nevermore."



But the raven, sitting lonely on the placid bust, spoke only

That one word, as if his soul in that one word he did outpour.

Nothing further then he uttered— not a feather then he fluttered —

Till I scarcely more than muttered, "other friends have flown before —

On the morrow he will leave me, as my hopes have flown before."

Then the bird said, "Nevermore."



Startled at the stillness broken by reply so aptly spoken,

"Doubtless," said I, "what it utters is its only stock and store,

Caught from some unhappy master whom unmerciful Disaster

Followed fast and followed faster till his songs one burden bore —

Till the dirges of his Hope that melancholy burden bore

Of 'Never — nevermore'."



But the Raven still beguiling all my sad soul into smiling,

Straight I wheeled a cushioned seat in front of bird, and bust and door;

Then upon the velvet sinking, I betook myself to linking

Fancy unto fancy, thinking what this ominous bird of yore —

What this grim, ungainly, ghastly, gaunt and ominous bird of yore

Meant in croaking "Nevermore."



This I sat engaged in guessing, but no syllable expressing

To the fowl whose fiery eyes now burned into my bosom's core;

This and more I sat divining, with my head at ease reclining

On the cushion's velvet lining that the lamplight gloated o'er,

But whose velvet violet lining with the lamplight gloating o'er,

She shall press, ah, nevermore!



Then methought the air grew denser, perfumed from an unseen censer

Swung by Seraphim whose footfalls tinkled on the tufted floor.

"Wretch," I cried, "thy God hath lent thee — by these angels he hath sent thee

Respite — respite and nepenthe, from thy memories of Lenore

Quaff, oh quaff this kind nepenthe and forget this lost Lenore!"

Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."



"Prophet!" said I, "thing of evil! — prophet still, if bird or devil! —

Whether Tempter sent, or whether tempest tossed thee here ashore,

Desolate yet all undaunted, on this desert land enchanted —

On this home by horror haunted— tell me truly, I implore —

Is there — is there balm in Gilead? — tell me — tell me, I implore!"

Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."



"Prophet!" said I, "thing of evil — prophet still, if bird or devil!

By that Heaven that bends above us — by that God we both adore -

Tell this soul with sorrow laden if, within the distant Aidenn,

It shall clasp a sainted maiden whom the angels name Lenore -

Clasp a rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore."

Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."



"Be that word our sign in parting, bird or fiend," I shrieked, upstarting —

"Get thee back into the tempest and the Night's Plutonian shore!

Leave no black plume as a token of that lie thy soul hath spoken!

Leave my loneliness unbroken!— quit the bust above my door!

Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!"

Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."



And the Raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting

On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door;

And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming,

And the lamplight o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor;

And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor

Shall be lifted — nevermore!



—Edgar Allan Poe

Chronicals of an Insomniac. pt 1

Now I lay me down to sleep.... laying in bed my mind a creep. AHHH!!! Not sure why I'm so wide awake after sunset, and so dead to the world during the day. Maybe I'm a vampire, but I haven't grew any cool fangs yet so that can't be right. And my nails are so hard to grow, they are nothing like any subhuman creature that I know. Anyway it's 4am and I've been tossing and turning since 2am because my mind is fully alive and thriving with thoughts and ideas at that hour. Ugh it's so frustrating when my mind wont quit, and learn to function on normal hours like everyone else. It's no wonder I sleep all day.

So I've decided to start a new series of blogs called "The chronicals of an insomniac." (If that's even what I should call myself- cause technically- well you know my deal.) It's about all the random thoughts that go through my head while trying to sleep like the rest of world. Maybe I should move to New York! The city that never sleeps! It is thriving with artists and musicians, people of all sorts trying to make the spot light. I could fit in, if only I could stand the over crowded population factor. UGH, can I ever win? lol

K so, I'm laying in bed  sound asleep (yeah more like what you'd call a 2hr nap) when I wake thirsty as all hell. I gulp down the bottled water on my nightstand and go to the bathroom to make a tinkle. I'm trying to do this with my eyes closed because the light will instantly wake me up, and I know this. Being highly accident prone in the dark, with my eyes closed no less I am forced to turn on the light- which could be a good thing because I just so noticed we were out of TP. So back to the linen closet for some rolls of tp I go. So Im on the pot, and I change the roll which requires some thought "do I place the paper roll up or down?" hmmm... I left it to chance, which happened to be up! and I thought well, Tiffany would be happy about this. So yes, Im sitting on the toilet at 2am thinking of my dear friend Tiffany... nice. She should feel loved lol. (Tiff has this weird thing about tp placement.) And soooo.... needless to say this all got the ball of thought rolling.

I try to go back to sleep anyway. And as I try finding my comfy spot between my hubby and the cat stretched out somewhere in the middle, my eye catches a shimmer of light reflected from a mirror of a passing car I suppose. My mind begins to analyze whether or not thats what it actually was. It's much more fascinating if it were something supernatural, but not this time. My gaze shifts out the window from bed admiring how my patio light illuminates the branches of our dormant dogwood tree... I begin thinking how lovely those branches would be in a new art piece I'm stirring up. I spend another 30 minutes or so planning out the details for that, when my tummy makes a sound. Guess I shouldn't have drunk that cherry cola before bed earlier. teehee.... my poor husband- I think I woke him up. But the cat didn't seem to mind, and she was in prime position for the worst of it. (which btw, she did eventually move. lol)

My mind then shifts to photography and some ideas I have. I must buy some more backdrops! More more more! The problem is, my creative ideas work on such a grander scale, my wallet cannot keep up, nor does space allow. And you know how I feel about limitation. That was another blog entirely. I'm destined for greatness... I just need to figure out how to do it on my budget right now. Now that's where creativity really sets in. So now I'm toying with lighting ideas as Im tossing still trying to get comfortable. Oh no the cola is really building up now.... sigh... I leave the room to be a little more discreet, but this would only continue on for the next hour. So here I am wide awake at nearly 5am blogging. And even as I write this, Im wondering why my scalp has been so itchy and flakey this week when it occurs to me- I ran out of head n shoulders and have been trying to use up the other bottles of shampoo that have taken up residence in my shower. All to save a buck, and for the sake of the environment I guess.... it's not nice to be wasteful. So why did I have to buy the bulk size again? Ugh it's a viscious cycle.

I could go on and on..... even now I'm forming a shopping list of materials to pick up. I'm thinking about reupholstering the chair I bought for an amazing $5.00 in a trendy yet fashionable zebra print. I think it would serve me well in some pictures I have planned. Ohhh I need to get to that fabric store asap! I really need too find hair combs for those hats I made too. Shit! I could kick myself sometimes- for letting it get down to the last minute for things. I promised those hats to be ready and shipped last week. UGH but I can't find COMBS anywhere! I need to get out and find them tomorrow afternoon at the latest and get them in the mail, which will have to be express mail now. The damn shit is starting to add up cost wise. This is why anything I ever do- hardly brings any profit. TIME is AGAINST me.

and so...before I get whiney and start complaining I'm ending this here. To all of you sleepy heads sleeping right now, rest well... I'll surely find my rest after the sun comes up and you're all heading to the job, or school, or wherever it is you go. I have yet another two hours before I have anything that "needs" doing. So I suppose I'll just sit here and listen to the rain on my window. And debate whether or not I want to suprise the family with a  hot cooked breakfast- since... well... I have nothing else to do. hahaha

Ciao until tomorrow night my friends.

Mother Nature has Frozen Over!

What the heck is going on with Mother Nature? A really bad case of PMS! And has everyone given up, stopped caring? I mean really... shovel the freakin sidewalks people. It's bad enough driving in icy snowy conditions, yet alone having to walk in it and pavements aren't cleared. I mean seriously must everything be a struggle? Kids are just trying to make it to school to gain an education, the least you can do as a community is make sure the pathways are clear and safe to walk on. I seen so many children slip and fall today "on school property" no less. Hello? maintenance! Is no one doing their job anymore? Oh Im sorry it must be a personal snow day- fuck the rest of the world.

The neighborhood was in an angry horn honking frenzy this morning over at the school. The children & parents are trying to cross safely at the intersection, OVER MOUNDS of unshoveled snow and ice being RUSHED by the crossing guard no less, and all these people in cars can do is lay heavily on their horns. SERIOUSLY PEOPLE? The crossing guard has a mouth on her too... always screaming nasty remarks to drivers only to contradict herself in the next breath. Don't even get me started on the security guard over there. He's a NAZI! who makes up his own rules. No one likes him, and it's ashame the school is  missing the whole point of parking & zoning. So much hostility.