Stay the Course.

Keeping true to myself is the plan. This was much easier to do when things were simpler. But I think I've been doing fine in this past week, enjoying quality time doing the things I love.

Today, my 6yr old son jumps in bed with me "MOM IT'S TIME TO WAKE UP!" Dad wants to paint the dining room. Of course I would have loved to sleep in another hour or two but knowing Chris was working in the house today inspired me to get up and accomplish something as well. So Jake and I cleaned up the front garden. I pulled all the weeds, and pruned back the bushes while Jake made MUD PILES! hehehe. He was digging for worms! and making rock soup! We found all sorts of interesting creatures while cleaning up in preparation for Autumn's arrival. Worms, centipedes, secada carcus',and bones!! Just in time for Halloween I guess :) There's been a hawk perched in my dogwood tree- from what Chris and Jake tell me. Guess it's leaving me some left overs. Fascinating in deed.

I feel accomplished now that all the summer toys are cleaned up, pool is deflated and put away. I have room again to actually enjoy my patio on these georgous cool nights that we've been having. I even managed to rip out the old mums that have been gradually thinning away. My walkway is usually filled with burgundy, purple and orange mums each fall. But I've noticed this year they werent as full. So I cleared them all out- rearranged the solar lighting and prepared the soil for grass seed. I took out the plastic strip, broke three fingernails doing it- but it's worth it. Because, the walkway looks much less cluttered. I'm happy. It's been some time since I've gotten down & dirty in my garden. I forgot how much I enjoy working in the garden getting acquainted with all it's buggy creatures. I met a pretty red lady bug today~she even let me photograph her. Picture above :)

After I cooled down in the shower, it was time for a power nap. Ahhh I've missed my afternoon naps. It was NICE :) The kids went to my moms to visit with my grandmother who was visiting. So I started faux painting my dining room. It matches my living room, and I really love it. The finish kind of reminds me of an old world type wall. I love the gold metallic finish so much- that I'd probably paint the whole house that way if I could. I think we are finally on our way to finding the perfect decor for the dining room. FINALLY :) It will be finished tomorrow. Then I'd like to print some of my fave b&w's of the family and frame them for there. It's been a while since I've felt everything "come together." It's nice, kind of like a reflection of whats going on inside ... me :)

I keep looking at my calender- in case I'm forgetting something, an appt, plans something. It's been refreshing NOT HAVING ANYTHING to do, or have to go to. This past Friday was my last appt for a while. It was Family Court Day for me & Dana. Let me just say, I've never had that much fun in a court building before. My daughter.... let's just say the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. She had me in hysterics laughing. It should be illegal to have that much fun-in what should be a stressful situation. But then again, stressing out never solved anything. So as we sat in the waiting room, we just so happened to make up new lyrics to the "Ting Tings- That's not my name song." It was inspired by "the whole point of being there." We are toying with the idea of making a video for YouTube. Hahaha When that happens I'll post it here. hehehe We silly girls know how to have fun. God I love that kid. I'm so proud of her, and her strength. Her maturity is far beyond her years. We've always said since she was a baby that she was a little OLD SOUL. She shines, and everyone wants to be near her. She's going to do great things in this world! I know it.

Results from court; Dana spoke with the Master (that title is just weird). Explained what she wanted and what George wanted from her were two different things. After all was said and done the Master ruled that she didn't have to do anything she didn't want. George was not to contact her, or see her unless Dana said it was ok. The Master also ruled that George needs to seek a family therapist because he obviously had some issues. She advised Dana has no contact with him, and so we gave her a new phone and new number so she didn't have to rely on George for anything (he was paying her phone line). No more ties- sure feels good. And I'm so glad Dana is seeing him in his true light now. Manipulative, greedy liar. He'll recieve all this info in the written legal statement within 30 days. I'm sure he wont be happy about it- but hopefully he'll back off realising how very WRONG he was for everything he did. He's expecting a baby in October- a second chance not to Fuck up(?!) Honestly though..... I feel sorry for that kid.

Next up... the rest of our lives :) School starts next week!!!! YAY :)

Pinups & Cocktails ;)

Due to Popular Demand, "Pinups & Cocktails" are back!

For one weekend only, I'll be hosting a HUGE Pinups & Cocktail Party at my home. Book your spot! They are going fast!

Here's the Scoop:
WHEN:  Saturday October 16th, and Sunday 17th.
WHERE: My home, Mayfair Section of Philadelphia, PA
WHAT YOU GET:
-PinUp style hair and Makeup,
-2 outfit changes (provided by you),
-1940's-50's style props,
-10 poses retouched/special edits included all on CD for your viewing pleasure. Reprint as large, and as much as you like. Create gifts for your special someone, and boost your ego ;)
-Guests will also be provided yummy cocktails and munchies throughout their stay.
-Special guest photographer Erika Anderson is coming in from Montreal Canada to assist in providing top quality professional images all for just $75 pp.
HOW: Book your spot now with a $25 deposit. (refundable up until Oct 13th 2010 due to last minute cancellations) Contact me via email: FaeMist@aol.com/ or through Facebook if you have any "Q's" and would like to book.

Thank you xox

Checkin' In ;)

Ok so I have this new obsession with the FaceBook DELETE button! Every couple days I seem to be clearing out more and more numbers. I can't stop! haha But it's much needed in my life right now to know who my friends are. I'm not cool with setting myself up with false securities. Plus I'm a firm believer in Vibes and Energies people send. I don't want any haters, drama queens, or just down right spies sending me vibes of crud! Life is already hard enough.

It's also been on my mind about "HOW IMPORTANT Facebook has become." Not only to me, but to my husband, and daughter- it's a little disturbing when I think about it. I even started to feel guilty when I log in. But I enjoy chatting throughout the day with my close friends and keep connected with family and what they're doing. Hmmm... decisions decisions....

Perhaps I need to limit my time on here. Then I'll have no choice but to dwelve into other things. Like for instance tonight I went to my little studio and scrapbooked for a few hours, jamming to 104.5! SWEETNESS. If it weren't so humid outside I might try to weed my garden. I did manage to sit on the patio a bit today with Dana and her friends. Silly boys goofing off- actually gave me the giggles. And I got to thinking back when I was that age. Good times.

On another note: Someone just told me that everything comes full circle in life. Well I think I might be at the part where I hibernate for long periods of time, away from the circle of chaos that always seems to find me. I'm going to refocus my time on me and the family hopefully come start of the school year. I'm going to settle all my debts, collect what's due and say SCREW YOU WORLD. Just for a while. :)

I'm going on vacation. Taking a spiritual retreat. Maybe create a painting or two!

DeadBeat Sperm Donar

Tomorrow is the day. I get to waste more of my time in family court because "my HIT & RUN" decides after 14yrs that HE wants visitation rights, and partial custody if that's even possible. I'm pissed off because one would think he's be entitled to NOTHING! And yet he even has the right to file for anything? What are his rights? Does he even have them?

This is my question- so here I am seraching and searching countless legal and state websites looking for answers! Unable to find the laws and stachutes I'm looking for on Child abandonment Laws I begin to get more and more angry, because I'm seeing TIPS FOR DADS!!! These very same DEADBEATS that should be punished for being in contempt of court for disobeying child support orders for years on end, these same deadbeats that haven't even met their kids in 14yrs. I don't see anything in favor of the mothers that have struggled the hardships to give her children a safe, healthy and happy life and prepare them for their futures, while these deadbeats (aka George Carroll) gets off scott free all this time partying living his life without taking responsibilty for any of his actions.

What gives him any RIGHT after 14yrs? to come into our lives and turn it upside down? He didn't think about my daughters emotional state and well being. He didn't care about anyone but hiself. My daughter completely shut down emotionally (at least in the company of others) after a stranger stopped her on the street proclaiming to be her REAL DAD. WTF kind of shit is that? My personal info has been up to date with the courts- he should've contacted ME first with his plans. This way I could've prepared her for the shock. But he didn't care, because it wasn't in HIS best interest having been in contempt of a child support order for nearly 6 years straight. I'm Angry as hell! And I'm ready to KICK HIS ASS!

See you in court Asshole!

Clearing the Clutter

K so, I've been meditating all this week, getting plenty of rest & relaxation, and I've even managed some alone time with scrapbook therepy :) I just love focusing on me for a change. I've been focusing these past 6+ months on the wrong people and things. It's taken a toll. But I feel Im on my way back to happiness. I may even pick up a new read soon. (something I havent been able to do)

So I've sat quietly, stilling my mind (as much as possible anyway lol) and so much weight has been lifted. The stress is melting away and I'm actually able to think clearly now. Amazing! I'm ashamed to admit... I haven't been very zen since around May of this year. So much emotional upset, and loss of friends have come to pass. I guess I'd better be more careful for what I wish for. Or at least be ready for it.

While on my girl-cation in AC this June, I thought it would be fun to see a palm reader. They are a dime a dozen along the boardwalk but it was only $5, what's a little entertainment? Not long into the reading this old gypsy woman "Ruby" stared piercingly into my soul! Im not kidding! It was intense and everything she was telling me had meaning. It was making sense- and to this day things that she told me are coming true. One thing in particular was that someone close to me that I cared about was two faced, not really a friend. This person was talking an awful lot of crap behind my back over jealousy. At the time I had an idea of who I thought it was. But it wasn't until two weeks ago that I really found out who it was. SPOOKY. It's the little oddball validations I get that keep me believing even if it was a hoax. She also told me becoming a millionaire was NOT in my stars :( That was the question in my mind which she totally picked up on. She did say I'd get to do alot of traveling in the next 5yrs. And that business will pick up again after a dry spell. In the end, there will be some more ups and downs ahead- but in the end all will be ok. I'm thinking it's time for another Tarot Card Reading. :) My last reading predicted a split with a bizz partner over money (which happened).

It's creepy but cool how in tuned I have been lately with hunches and insight with other people. It feels nice to be back in touch. Dana seems to be picking up some intuitiveness as well- finally :)

So now I'm having all sorts of crazy bazaar dreams again. But last night's dream left me with an awful shortness of breath and pain in my chest. I never remember having a physical side effect from a dream before. In the dream I was enhaling a cigg so deeply- I can still taste smoke in my throat. And I'm not a smoker. WEIRD! ((Your insight on this would be appreciated!!!!))

I Eat, Pray, & Love

Tonight was opening night for the very much anticipated movie, Eat Pray Love starring one of my all time favorite actresses Julia Roberts. I read the book about 3 or 4 years ago and I haven't stopped reading since Ha! The book was amazing and totally shed new light in my life, thus putting me on the spiritual path. If you haven't read the book YOU SHOULD! It was far better than the movie, although I'm not knocking the film, just so much was omitted. You get a greater sense of the characters from the book, better connection. :) Thanks Toni, for coming tonight. I hope you got something out of it girl. We should've gone for coffee after to chat about it.

So what's the moral of this movie? To find self love, one cannot find happiness through things and other people. Happiness comes from within. Knowing yourself, and being content with yourself brings balance. And through achieving this you can then bring happiness to everyone around you. "You have the power to love the world."

Balance seems to be my biggest challenge in this life. It seems I'm always off in one area, just when I think it's all coming together. Life's little curve balls. I may never find total balance for very long, it seems to be brief and fleeting. But I suppose it's also what keeps me human. I get wrapped up in my feelings, I get let down, I build my walls, only to repeat the cycle. This is the inspiration for my next Tattoo the Hindu Ohm. It will be my daily mantra- to remind me of the Balance I'm trying to achieve.

Ok so I'm going to post my "EAT" section. My top most sinfully enjoyable foods :)
~General Taos Chicken
~Crab Ragoon
~Ben & Jerry's Cinnamon Buns icecream
~Balsamic Chicken Salad
~Pizza
~A tender filet mignon!

I've been indulging in you yummy foods way longer then Liz Gilbert did, an it's probably time to cool off. Get serious about the gym, and get my sexy back.But to do this I must take the next step and "PRAY." Get my head straight, meditate more often, and get my priorities in line, and execute it!So later I can truly "LOVE" myself again, and love others more genuinely. Happiness starts within. I haven't been happy in a long time.

Psychic Vampires

Have you ever felt drained because you "know" you've got HATERS out there tearing your character apart? talking shit about you for whatever reason? Well if you allow them, they will drain you not only mentally but physically. I'm aware of the haters out there and that's enough to not let it affect me any longer. Their loss if they can't let go of their HUGE egos. Their loss if they want to throw away an awesome friend. ~they should read some of Eckhart Tolle's work. Initially my feelings may have been hurt, but not anymore. Friendship is a two way street, and I'm finished doing all the work, investing my heart and feelings in people who cannot appreciate me for WHO I AM! A good person told me: "Not to second guess myself for no one." If they don't love me for me, then that's on them. I know the people in my life who are genuine. They've come to my side when I needed them most. I love them dearly :)

I asked for my fake friends to be revealed... and they are dropping like flies. Birds of a feather, all flock together. (You know who you are!) You deserve eachother because you are THE COMPANY YOU KEEP. Good luck with that Haters! You can all kiss my ass because I'm not looking back. You wont get me down-because you no longer matter. I'm done with Lieing Fake Ass People!!

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BACK TO WHAT'S IMPORTANT
After getting the current drama out and off my chest, it's time to refocus my time and energy on the important people in my life as well as my ZEN. Poor zen has been neglected for far too long. It's time to put me first again. It's a New Moon tonight, and so I set up an area for a nice calming meditiation with my spirit candle. It felt so nice to calm and still my mind. I've forgotten how important meditation was~ I took a nice nap after-and my dreams revealed the stresses that were beginning to fall away, as I step forward to a fresh new start.

My creativity is thriving again. My excitement for new projects is building. And once again things are starting to feel RIGHT! Life is good in my world again. And I am happy :)

ZEN oh how I've missed you.

To the Limit.

This too shall pass, just like everything else that comes this way. I need to believe all the drama, hurt, betrayals are for some good reason. What doesn't kill me, will make me stronger, right? I should be a fricken Wonder Woman by now- but I'm not. I'm missing those shiney wrist cuffs and fancy headband. Ha!

I've been pushed to my breaking point with everything! I don't feel well. And if it weren't for my hubby and daughter, I may have just given up all together. But they keep me going. They understand me even when I don't quite understand myself which I've found comforting. Life has gotten to that stressful point where, I react and over react some more without fully stopping to think things through. This was unfamiliar territory until recent months.

Stress....You must be my Culprit.
Life... you are sucking me dry! And
Patience have altogether left the building.

I do...feel like giving up, giving in, and running away. But I know my family wont let me do that. So I've got to get it together somehow. And find a peaceful way to keep sane & just keep getting through the mounds of SHIT piling in my path. I see no end in sight which is discouraging. I do fall down "ALOT" and it's getting harder to get back up with each stumble. And sometimes, I can feel that dark cold place drawing close again which has me in a bit of panic.

Im not sure how I got back to this, when I had it so together not long ago. I just know I need to find my happy place again... before I really do something I'll regret later.