Blue October - Into The Ocean

Fuck- I need a fucking break or a fucking change...something!
I wanna swim away but don't know how.
Let the rain of what I feel right now come down.

Feeling a disconnect coming on- leave me the fuck alone.

Our 1st Dinner Party

Last night we celebrated close friendships with 6 of our dearest friends over our first dinner party. It was really nice having everyone here with us enjoying some bizzar conversation over an Italian dish and many many bottles of vino. We think it was a success.

It was nice to finally do something for everyone, like host something as "grown up and sophisticated like" as a dinner party. lol. My favorite part of the planning are the details. I had a ball putting the table theme decorations together :) I went with a "Winter theme of blue, silver and white. And I forgot to take a picture damn it! Maybe someone from the party did, and I'll share it with you here. I dimmed the lights and the table was illuminated by candle light & adorned with fresh white floral arrangements. And Chris had Dean Martin playing for dinner music. Haha I'm a very happy girl.

There was ALOT of love in the house last night. Our friendships keep growing tighter and tighter. I feel blessed to know and befriend every single one of them. Our extended family :)
xoxox

So...do aliens exisit? what about that shaft? was he really there Toni because Rick remembers! lol ahaha

Don't Worry

Success. After a couple trying years and hard times, we as a family can finally say we've been able to adopt Bob Marley's Three Little Birds as our theme song. And it sure feels good.

It is my wish that all of you can someday find that happy place as well, and stay in it!

Seeking Heaven

"All the principles of heaven and earth are living inside you." -Morihei Ueshiba (1883-1969)

Heaven Is Within You.
Ancient texts say that "heaven is within you," and what they're talking about is the frequency of your being. When you leave your human body, you are automatically on the highest frequency of pure love, because that's the frequency of your being. In ancient times the highest frequency of pure love was called heaven.

But heaven is for you to find here in this lifetime- not when your body dies. You are to find heaven here, while you're on Earth. And indeed heaven is within you, because heaven is the frequency of your being. To find heaven on Earth is to live your life as the same frequency as your being- pure love & joy.

Power Points Pt 12

• You have always existed and you will always exist because you are a part of creation.
• You, every person you know, and every person who has ever lived has no end!
• To find Heaven on Earth is to live your life at the same frequency as your being-- pure love and joy.
• The greatest joy in life is giving, because unless you give, you will always be struggling to survive.
• Your love, your joy, your positivity, your excitement, your gratitude, and your passion are the true and everlasting things in life. All the riches in the world cannot even come close to the most priceless gift in all of creation- the love inside you!
• Give your love because it is the magnet to all the riches in your life.
• While you are here, everytime you choose the positive, everytime you choose to feel good, you are giving your love, and with it you light up the world.

Power Points Pt 11

• Everything has a frequency-- everything! And whatever you're feeling is bringing everything in your life that's on a similar frequency to you.
• Life is responding to you. Life is communicating with you. Everything you see-- every sign, color, person, object-- everything you hear, every circumstance and event, are on your frequency.
• When you are feeling happy, and you keep feeling happy, then only happy people, circumstances, and events can come into your life.
• There are no accidents or coincidences in life-- everything is synchronicity-- because everything has a frequency. It's simply the physics of life and the universe in action.
• Think of something you love, and make it your symbol of the force of love. Whenever you see your symbol or hear it, you will know that the force of love is with you.
• Place the force of love ahead of you in everything you do. Imagine each thing in your day going well, and feel love inside yourself as much as you can, before you do anything.
• Ask questions everyday. When you ask a question you are giving a question, and you must receive an answer.
• Harness the force of love to help you with anything in your life. The force of love will be your personal assistant, money manager, personal health trainer, and relationship counselor.
• If your mind is consumed with too many details, the details will distract you and pull you down. Simplify your life, and don't give too much importance to the little things. What diference does it make?
• The force of love has no opposite. There is no other power in life but love. All the negative things you see in the world are always, always a lack of love.

Points of Power Pt 10

• What you continually give to your body with your beliefs or strong feelings, you receive in your body. Every feeling you have saturates every soul and organ in your entire body.
• You are the ruler of a kingdom, and your cells are your most loyal subjects who serve you without question, so whatever you think and feel becomes the law of your kingdom--the law within your body.
• When you give negative thoughts and feelings of what you don't want, the force of health to your cells reduces! When you feel love for anything-- for a sunny day, new house, friend, promotion-- your body receives the full force of health.
• Gratitude is the great multiplier, so say thank you for your health every single day.
• Say thank you with all your heart for what you do like about your body, and ignore the things you dont like.
• To see your health improve, give love to health more than 50% of the time. Just 51% is the tipping point from sickness to health.
• If you are facing illness, do your best not to own it with your thoughts and words. Instead, give love to health, own health, and make it yours.
• Give love for the perfect weight, perfect body, perfect health of an organ, and imagine having it, and be utterly grateful for everything you do have!
• If you believe that your boy will deteriorate with age, you are giving out that belief, and the law of attraction must return those circumstances to you.
• Feel young and stop feeling your age.
• Your body will change into whatever you want, through your feelings of love and gratitude.

Power Points Pt 9

• With every single person you come in contact with, you are either giving love or you're not. And based on what you give, that is what you receive.
• Give love to others through kindness, encouragement, support, gratitude, or any good feeling, and it comes back to you multiplied in every area of your life.
• Look for the things you love in a relationship more than you notice negative things and it will appear as if something incredible has happened to the other person.
• Trying to change the other person, thinking you are right and another person is wrong is not giving love!
• You have to be happy to receive the happy versions of other people!
• The force of love presents you with a whole array of Personal Emotional Trainers, disguised as everyay people, but they are all training you to choose love!
• You can stick everything you love and want to you by looking for the things you love in other people, and saying yes to yhose qualities with all your heart.
• You can't talk about or hear negativity and have good feelings!
• Life is presenting every person and circumstance to you so you can choose what you love and what you don't love. When you react to anything, you are reacting with your feelings, and as you do, you are choosing it!
• You can't change a negative situation with bad feelings. If you keep reacting negatively, your bad feelings with magnify and multiply the negativity.
• If you're feeling fantastic, the force of your magnetic feild creates a shield that no negativity can penetrate.
• Changing the way you feel is easy compared to running around trying to change the circumstances of the outside world. Change your feelings and the outside circumstances will change!
• The more you give love and feel good, the more magnetic your field becomes and the more it expands, drawing everything and everyone you love to you!

My Funk goes Boom!

Expression is an art form in my world. Feelings, moods, visions all have been reflected through many forms & mediums.

My most recent form has been with digital photography. I took this picture just this past weekend of my good friend, who has been more than a pleasure to work with by putting up with my off the wall requests.

This photo screams to me, striking an emotion that resignates within, way beneath the layers left unpeeled. Or should I say re-sealed?

Philosophy will tell you to live for the NOW, because the past is done. And no matter what the past holds, it all happened to bring you to where you are now in the present. And though I hold no regrets of my past, I havent yet mastered the art of tuning out of a bad mood when I feel one coming. From time to time I feel like this picture. Alone in the darkness... nothing to hide, just there waiting. When can I come home?

I'm probably one of the more positive upbeat thinking people I know. But like everything I have a flip side. Blame it on being a Gemini, bi-polar, or just realistic, your choice. "There is always an equal and opposite reaction to every action." Sir Isaac Newton

Bleh... is the Funk that I'm in.
and sometimes it feels nice to just say "FUCK IT."

Power Points Pt 8

Power Points Chapter 8

• It's the attractive force of love that moves all the money in the world, and whoever is giving love by feeling good is a magnet for money.
• You can tell how you feel about money, because if you don't have all that you need, then you don't feel good about money.
• Love is the attracting force that brings money, and love is also the power that makes money stick.
• When you pay your bills, find a way, any way, to make yourself feel good. Imagine your bills are checks you're recieving. Or use gratitude and give thanks to the company who sent you the bill.
• When some money comes into your hands, no matter how small it is, be grateful! Remember, gratitude is the great multiplier.
• Feel love when you pay for anything instead of feeling bad because you have less money. The difference between the two is the difference between having plenty of money, and struggling with money for the rest of your life.
• Use physical money as your cue to remember to feel good about plenty of money. Imagine the front of each bill as the positive side, which represents plenty of money. Each time you handle money, deliberately flip the bill so the front is facing you.
• If you feel really good about success, no matter whose success it is, you stick success to you!
• Give in equal value to the money you recieve through profits or your salary. If you give more value than the money you're recieving, your business and career will take off.
• Money is only a tool for you to experience the things you love in life. The attractive force of love ha unlimited ways for you to recieve what you want, and only one of those ways involves money.
• Imagine being with what you love, doing what you love, because you will feel far more love than you will if you only think about money.
• The beauty of life is that when you put love first, all the money you need to live a full life comes to you.

The Key of Love. PP Pt 7

Power Points (The Key of Love) Part 7

• To use love as the ultimate power in your life, you must love like you have never loved before. Fall in love with life!
• See only love, hear only love, speak only love, and feel love with all your heart.
• There is no limit, no ceiling, to the amount of love you can feel, and it is all  inside you! You are made of love.
• Tell the law of attraction what you love everyday by singling out the things you love and feeling them.
• To change the way you feel, or to lift good feelings higher, make a mental list of everything you love and adore!
• Your job is to love as much as possible every day.
• Make a conscientious effort to notice as many things around you that you love, as much as you can each day.

The Key of Gratitude

• Everytime you feel grateful you are giving love.
• Be grateful for everything you have recieved in your life (past). Be grateful for everything you are recieving in your life (present). Be grateful for what you want in your life, as though you have recieved it (future).
• Your gratitude will multiply everything in your life.
• Gratitude is the bridge from negative feelings to harnessing the force of love!
• To use the power of gratitude, practice it. When anything good happens to you in your day, give thanks. It doesn't matter how small it is, say thank you.
• The more you feel gratitude, the more love you give; and the more love you give, the more you recieve.
• Every spare second is an oppertunity to be grateful and multiply the things you love.

The Key of Play

• When you play you feel really good -- and really good circumstances come into your life. Seriousness brings serious circumstances.
• Life is supposed to be fun!
• The law of attraction doesn't know if your imagining and playing, so whatever you give in imagination and play will become real!
• Whatever it is you want, use your imagination, use every prop you can find, create games, and play.
• Act as if you have it now! Whatever you imagine with feeling you are giving to the law of attraction, and you must recieve.
• If you experience a delay in recieving what you want, it's only because of the time it takes you to get onto the same feeling frequency as your desire.
• When you are excited about anything and you feel amazing, capture that energy and imagine your dream.

Power Points Pt 6

• Life presents everything to you for you to choose what you love.
• If someone has something you want, be excited as though you have it. If you feel love for it, you are bringing the same thing to you.
• When you see things you want, you are on the same frequency as those things!
• Life's catalogue contains things you don't love, so don't choose them by giving bad feelings.
• Turn away from the things you don't love and don't give them any feeling. Instead say yes when you see something you love.
• The law of attraction is responding to your feelings! It's only what you give that counts. The law of attraction--is the law of you.
• Give judgement and criticism and you give it to yourself. Give love and appreciation to another person or anything, and you give it to yourself.
• When people see a lack of anything, it's simply a lack of love.
• You are good enough now. If you have done something that wasn't right, your realization and acceptance of it is absolution for the law of attraction.
• It's your beliefs, true or untrue, that form your world.
• You're imagination is more real than the world you see, because the world you see comes from what you imagine and believe! What you believe and feel to be true is what will be your life.
• Whatever story you tell, whether good or bad, will be the story of your life. So start telling the story of your amazing life, and the law of attraction must make sure you recieve it.

Unnerved.

Our son has a mind of his own, or is it something more? I can stand right in front of him instructing him and I get a blank stare. He does NOT listen! Is it by choice? I wonder. Or is there an underlying medical reason for it? HOW many times must I repeat myself until I get through to him? It's averaging around 4-5 times or until I lose my temper. THEN and ONLY THEN, when my voice is hightened and annoyed will I get a reaction. Ugh.... Counting to Ten......

I wonder sometimes who the parent is. I'm constantly being ordered around by my 6yr old. Do this, do that. And God forbid I don't jump on command. He will nag the shit out of me for hours on end if he knows we are going somewhere, or wants something. And if he doesn't want to do something, I hear that too. Tears, whining, crying, the works. How can such a sweet boy be such a nightmare on the flip side of the coin? And when did I lose CONTROL?

Being ignored, and taken for some kind of push over is really getting me unnerved.

Remembering Romance

Looking back on photographs from my teenaged years really makes me smile. I was this young quiet girl, waiting to make my entrance into the world. I like to think that I was level headed back then. A budding artist wondering how I'd make my mark on this planet. Yet I knew I wasn't college bound. MISTAKE #1
That's why I try to make my kids see the importance in doing their absolute best in school so they can get into any college of choice hopefully on a full scholarship even better. This way they have some control over their future moneywise, more oppertunities. Don't rely on a trade! Own a company instead!

But back to the story of my youth. Haha... Life was so carefree back in the 90's. I was a shy girl, but had a healthy amount of confidence about myself. I knew I was young, and I was having fun as safely as I could. Well I tried not to do anything my parents would get upset about. I always kept a healthy open communication with my parents. I mean there were some things a teen just doesn't talk about but I always managed my safety well. #1 priority = safety.

I remember my social life really didn't begin until my freshman year. That's when I started venturing away from home to meet boys, sneak a beer, and low n behold, ride in cars with boys. All of which are grounds for punishment today under our parenting rules. lol I can still recall the Autumn cold, the smell in the air, the excitement the night held in store. And even still the comfort and security I felt in my boyfriends arms. Back then, the attention from a boy felt most amazing. Young and stupid... eventually that silly girl would grow to know she was NO ONES PROPERTY but her own. Not defined by a partner, but by her own character. But that's not where I'm going with this. I'm just remembering the simpler times, when the most important thing in the world was, getting a love note, a phone call, or a love song dedicated to you on the radio! Ahhh the good old days, when romance was booming!

I look back on the photographs I collaged of my friends. Most were just those in the crowd. I probably only kept 2 or 3 close friends throughout highschool. But even those friends would change up from time to time. Calling someone a friend, didn't come lightly. I guess it's been either a blessing or curse knowing what real true friends are supposed to act and treat you like. I've had the pleasure of growing up with my cousins, my family was always tight. And I've managed to keep my best friend from age 12, even up to date. So I guess that's why Im a little bit picky with who I keep around me. It's all been worth it this far.

One memory that strikes me at the moment; Freshman Father/ Daughter Dance 1990. Me and my dad pulled up to the school's gymnasium with a 6 pack of beer. Hahaha we drank a few to take the edge off before going in! We still didn't dance all that much but it's an awesome memory I'll always keep of my Dad :)

Another memory that stands out; My dear friend Carl was an ambulance driver at the time and so he would escort me to school some mornings- as like it was some kind of emergancy, lights and sirens going :) Another friend Ray would get me anywhere I needed to be "on time" in a matter of minutes. This dude knew all the back roads, and holes in the wall. Need less to say I deleveloped a need for speed! Driving fast was always exciting for me :) There are some days even now, when I just feel like ripping open the engine and seeing just how fast I can go. I don't... but I would if I could safely :)

Another favorite memory from my teen years: Boys used to leave gifts for me all the time in my front door or on the front porch :) Nice gifts too! Once I randomly got Poison Perfume- which I still like today. Tons of teddy bears and rose bouqets, chocolates, cards, love notes.... You name it. My younger sister always hated on me for it. Never was I so romanced than back in my teen years. I guess that's why I'm such a romantic today. Well not so much as when I was in my 20's. Things started cooling off in my late 20's. I was married and Chris and I had been together since I was 19 so all my romantic gestures came now from him only :) Haha and for the record "I'm not down playing him at all." Chris was always romantic and thoughtful. I think I was getting random bouquets of flowers and roses pretty much all of our marriage until about the past few years. The love notes have ceased, except in the form of facebook posts lol, the flowers I now buy myself.... But hey, it was a nice run. Can't remember the last time I was surprised or celebrated Valentine's day. hint hint... Nah Im just joking.

I know my guy is the one, and our family is solid. Everything we built together, our dreams, hopes, spirituality, it's all I'll ever need in life. Nothing can penetrate what we have together. We've come so far from our life's trials. We've grown to forgive, love unconditionally, and have compassion for each other. We invested so much in each other, now I am not sure what life would be like without the other. It might even be paralizing! Which can be scary to think about. I mean to place your total trust in another person with your heart, life, your everything- that take some major major consideration. And let me tell ya, in doing so didn't come easily. I had to hurt those I love most, and those I didn't care about, I hurt myself along the way too. But my trials were all neccessary, to get where I am today. Out from the ashes, I rose up like the phoenix! (hence my paniting).  My downfall all started by feeling unloved and from there it spiraled into a selfish unfeeling drinking spree (for those of you wondering). I had nowhere left to go but UP! And I'll forever remember the night, the exact conversation that changed everything for me. The unexpected but amazing compassion shown by my husband that would forever set us straight onto the spiritual path, but this time together (as it should be).

I sit here now, feeling completely contented. I couldn't ask for more from life. Everything else is gravy ;)

Trying to apply the power.

On Monday I had a lot of driving around the city to do with my daughter Dana, 7hrs worth to be exact. We had the Dr. appt for the yearly physical, had to have lunch because she left school before she could eat. Then we had to pick my son up from school, killed some time in Kmart picking up after Xmas clearance sales and shopping for my 6 yr old -he's long due for some new duds. His summer tee shirts and pants have lasted him until now. Time to update and make him spiffy :) Then, had to dropped him home with his dad while I picked up Dana's classmates from school (we have an arrangement.) Took one of them home, then headed to the pretzel factory for a snack. After that we went to Khole's department store to buy school pants for Dee. She's growing still.... into that curvacious young pertiful woman she will be. (which is happening all too soon for my Mommy-mind to absorb). By the time we finished trying on school pants it was dinner time so I took Dana and her buddy Chris to taco bell. On the way home we picked up the boyfriend and upon walking in the door nearly fell over! There's No Place Like Home!!!!

• When I came in the door, I noticed the 3 trash bags and boxes were still waiting to be taken out.
• My son still hadn't started his homework.
• No one thought to eat anything while I was out.
• And the  baskets of laundry were still in the kitchen waiting to be taken down.
• Shall I even bother to mention the bag of cat shit thats waiting to be taken out to the can?

So what has my husband been doing since I left? Certainly not the things I would've liked. Surely these things take priority over video games, tv shows and facebooking! Or so one might think. So before I allow myself to get furious, I'm trying to apply the POWER that Rhonda Byrne talks about in her book. Instead of allowing negative feelings to spill over, fill the cup with love instead..... So this is how I did that yesterday:

• I'm happy to have gotten 7hrs of bonding time with my Daughter, we had many laughs.

Today Tuesday: Started the day off well. Got a bright and early shower, kids off to school just fine. I decided to start cleaning up Jake's bedroom- what a disaster area! I only got as far as making his bed and sorting his clothing, ridding all the old stuff he no longer fits into before my energy crashed. My husband did help me out alot today by handling Jakes prescription coverage errors, and attempting to solve the ongoing pain in my ass medical coverage for the eye dr. The phone hadn't stopped ringing all morning as I tried to catch a nap. I did however manage to hide under my blankets until 1:30pm. Once out of bed I started preparing dinner, making salads, and apple crisp for desert. That took me right through til 5pm when my parents came for dinner. Not really getting to spend much time with my parents, we decided to play cards or a game of scrabble. Chris said ok to playing cards but obviously wasn't all that interested because he disappeared to the basement shortly after for a while. So SCRABBLE it was- I lost twice! but it was fun. We laughed and laughed, and my son and nephew played hard. Dana did her homework at the dinner table so she could share the company of my parents :) So what urked me today? ;

• My husband's disinterest in participating.
• My husband's short temper with the kids.
• My husband's constant use of the computer, as if nothing else is important.

So as I'm sitting here blogging about the annoyances of the night, I'm trying to pick out the positives to fill my cup with instead. So here's goes.....

• I may have spent a long time in the kitchen today, but I & my family enjoyed dinner and desert :)
• I didn't get to spend much time with my husband, but gladly my parents and daughter filled that space instead of no one at all.
• I may have been busy cleaning up at the end of the night, but my husband did manage to do homework with my son and bathed him for school tomorrow.
• While my husband facebooked, I changed out the pictures on my fridge with new happy fotos :)
• And Finally, I'm so pooped that I'm actually going to bed early tonight which may get me energized to do the laundry tomorrow- or better yet, something I actually enjoy like scrapbooking.

So in the end, while I still do not like these things; I'm not angry enough to start an argument. I just need to keep applying the Power of love and positive feelings.... and just hope for the  best.

Goodnight.... Until tomorrow.

Points of Power Pt 5

Points of Power Part 5 (from The Secret "The Power" edition.)

• Every person is surrounded by a magnetic field. Wherever you go, the magnetic field goes with you.
• You attract everything through the magnetism of your field. Your feelings determine whether your field is positive or negative at any time.
• Every single time you give love, through your feelings, words, or actions, you add more love to the field around you.
• The more love in your field, the more power you have to attract the things you love.
• Imagine what you want as the size of a dot! For the force of love, what you want is smaller than a dot!
• You do not have to turn the negative into a positive. Just give love for want you want, because the creation of what you want replaces the negativity!
• Spend seven minutes each day imagining and feeling having what you want. Do it until you know your desire belongs to you, as you know your name belongs to you.
• There is only one force in life and that force is love. You are either feeling good because you are full of love, or you are feeling bad because you are empty of love- but all of your feelings are degrees of love.
• To lighten up about bad feelings, imagine ba feelings as wild horses you climb on. If you climbed on them, you can climb off them too! You can choose to get off that horse as fast as you jumped on to it.
• Change what you give, and you will always, without exception, change what you receive, because that is the law of attraction. That is the Law of Love.

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2011

Chris and I rarely ever celebrate New Years Eve, but this year we spent it with our dear friends Lisa and Rick, Kaeleh, Rubie & Joe and Ed at the creeps house. It was nice to see 2010 go, and even better to ring in the new year with such good people. The next day was spent with our family over in New Jersey. I really enjoyed starting the New Year off with everyone :) Hopefully it's a good sign as to how this year is going to take course- with close friends and family- always :)

I've been humbled this past year enough to know what is important more so, then ever. And never have I been so overjoyed with life. My relationships are real, healthy, and meaningful. My happiness doesn't cost a dime. And Life is just being good to myself and family. What more can a girl ask for?

It is my wish that "YOU" have the best New Year for 2011. May you find your happiness, and keep it going strong. I hope you find that dream home, have healthy children, get that awesome job, find your soul mate, get that good news you've been waiting for, and live life to the fullest. Many blessings and love xoxox

Points Of Power Pt 4.

Points Of Power Part 4- Rhonda Bryne

• To harness the force of love in your life to bring something you want or change something you don't want, the Creation Process is always the same; Imagine it, Feel it, Receive it.
• Your imagination connects you to what you want. Your desires and feelings of love create the magnetism, the magnetic power, drawing your desire to you!
• Imagine yourself being with your desire. At the same time, feel love for what you're imagining.
• Desire what you want with all of your heart because desire is a feeling of love, and you must give love to receive what you love.
• When you imagine anything positive that you want and love, you are harnessing the force of love. Push your imagination to the limits, and imagine the best and highest that you possibly can of whatever it is you want.
• Whatever desire you can imagine already exists! It doesn't matter what it is; if you can imagine it, it already exists in creation.
• In conversations and in  your thoughts say, "Imagine if...." and then complete the sentance with what you want.
• Use props, Surround yourself with items of clothing, pictures, photographs, and relevant objects, so you can imagine and feel the feelings of having what you want.
• Your senses are props too. Use all your senses to help you feel that you have what you want. Feel it, taste it, smell it, see it, and hear it!
• When you have completed your part in the Creation Process, you have moved into a new world that contains the very thing you want even if you can't see it yet. Know you will receive it!