In my quiet moments, (usually when my family are all asleep) I stop to look around. I see a house that we have made a home and I feel warmth. The tiny fingerprints smudged on the tv don't nearly upset me as they maybe did in the past. The few toys overflowing from the toy box are now a fixture in the decor. And I'll admit, without our daughters screamo music blaring in the background, it sometimes feels too quiet. I have a loving husband who still holds my hand after all these years, and always kisses me goodnight. I am pretty sure I have everything I've ever wanted. I certainly have everything I need right here. Happy Moment <3

As the week draws to an end, my hubby and I are excited to host our 2nd annual Stinko de Mayo party on Saturday. Not sure how it got started, but it's turning into quite the event. Chris and I have gone to great measures, preparing the fun & entertainment this year that keeping it all a secret is killing me! We can't wait for the fun to be had with our friends. No drama, just fun times! It's time to forget about our troubles and reconnect over mexican grub and laughs. And maybe a lil TEQUILA? ;)

Letting go.

I was only 18 years old when I first found out that I was going to be a mommy. I was way too young to start a family being a kid myself, I still had so much ahead of me. But from that moment on, my life was changed forever and I would be forced to grow up fast! (in 9 months to be exact.) So much was going on, hormonal changes, body changes, all day sickness, and on top of that I had to keep my growing baby healthy as well. The motherly bonding began from the moment I knew for sure I was preggers. It's amazing how much love I felt for this baby growing inside me. I knew right away from the moment of conception that I'd have a little girl. I just knew. Funny how things happen for reasons, and this little girl would grow to be my world!

Now as my once baby girl enters the Teenage Years, I've been clinging to every ounce of hope that this now beautiful young lady will still want to cuddle with Mommy, lend a hug and kiss willingly, and I just long to hear an "I love you Mom" without it being forced once in a while. Of course, I know she loves me :) but as she grows, each day gaining her independance more and more, I can't help but feel like I'm losing my baby girl. This has been my struggle for some time now. And I've been very emotional over it. Today, some weight was lifted when I read on facebook that other mothers are experiencing the same things with their teenagers. My friend Toni Brennan quotes- "Your children, no matter how old never out grow your hugs, kisses and I love you. When was the last time you took that few seconds for your child(ren)?" And caught my attention. Another mom chimed in after confirming "This is normal behavior." And I finally began to realise, Im not losing my daughter, she's just growing up. I think now I'm ready to let her do exactly that. I understand now, that I need to remain Mom, even if at a distance. I'll be here, loving her & her little brother for as long as I live. And I know I'll be going through this same thing when my son becomes a teen. ugh...

Simple as it may be...it's still painful when your kids pull away. Grow up my child, but don't go away.

Gandhi

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  Tonight- I finally sat down to watch the Gandhi film.
  
  And 3hrs later, I'm moved by this man's dedication to bring equal rights to Indians in South Africa, and a free India from British rule- all without using violence. He's proven throughout his entire life that "there's no sense in violence!" By the end of this film, my mind is finally made up- no longer can I justify war or violence of any kind. It's been put into perspective for me and I'll keep working at it until I am fully at peace. This man was truly amazing. Rent the film, read the book! Let him touch your life as he's touched so many.
  
  
  
  Here are some of my favorite quotes of: Mahatma Gandhi.
  
  

I object to violence because when it appears to do good, the good is only temporary; the evil it does is permanent.

I want freedom for the full expression of my personality.

In the attitude of silence the soul finds the path in a clearer light, and what is elusive and deceptive resolves itself into crystal clearness. Our life is a long and arduous quest after Truth.

It is unwise to be too sure of one's own wisdom. It is healthy to be reminded that the strongest might weaken and the wisest might err.

Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will.

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.

Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it.

When I despair, I remember that all through history the ways of truth and love have always won. There have been tyrants, and murderers, and for a time they can seem invincible, but in the end they always fall. Think of it--always.

You must be the change you want to see in the world.

You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty.

An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.

Nature's Gifts

About two weeks ago I was standing at my front door just admiring my garden in bloom when the birds eating from the feeder caught my attention. It must have been about supper time as they were in a sort of frenzie! They weren't even bothered by the squirrel chewing on a chicken wing on the branch beside them (curtesy my neighbors trash can). Upon my second glance I noticed a Cardinal!! A lone brightly colored red cardinal waiting it's chance to eat. I was so excited because I've never seen one with my own eyes before. I've lived here for 10 years, always feeding the wild and I've NEVER been visited by such a beautiful creature before. I nearly peed myself with excitement LOL! Naturally I had to call everyone in the house over to witness this beautiful bird. Each one of them as suprised as I was.

I love bird watching. I'm not a fully equipt watcher, I don't own fancy banoculars or anything. But I often watch from my window, listening to them sing and play. It's calming and peaceful. A couple springs back a set of mourning doves nested at my bedroom window. I got to watch them lay eggs, watch them hatch and grow. I even helped them fly the nest when the time came. It was amazing. Now I wake in the mornings to the most beautiful song bird that sits in my tree. I've never heard it's song before this spring- I'm wondering if it's the cardinal that I seen. When I hear it's song again, I'll try to drag myself out of bed to see who it is singing outside my window.

Experiences such as this, are what make life so enchanting. Mine anyway :) Enjoy Nature's gifts!

Getting back on the path.

Yesterday did all of us a world of good, being out in the fresh air, getting back to the natural beauty in nature as we celebrated Earth Day 2010. We all suffer from mad allergies, but we weren't going to let anything stop us! That's all I needed to get me out of my funk.

Today I woke from my nap refreshed and ready to conquer my house cleaning. I felt renewed from the day prior. Somehow, I remembered "why" I keep house, because I'm able to. Not because it's expected of me. I thank my maker for two healthy arms and hands to keep this home tidy, and two legs and feet to get me around. I thank my maker for my sight, to watch my healthy children grow, my hearing so that I can listen to my family's laughter, sense of smell so that I can enjoy the perfume given to me by my hubby, taste to enjoy earths fresh foods and (especially the wine! lol) And lastly for the sense of touch, so I can feel the hugs and kisses from my hubby & kids. These things are very basic, but they are our greatest gifts.

Buddhists believe to be happy, one should not be attached to material things. If you are constantly in want of things, you will never be satisfied. My husband said to me tonight while shopping in Target, "he's changing my name to I want! cause that's all that comes out of my mouth." It got me to thinking.... he's absolutely right. I have been trying to fill a void lately. And I do that by shopping for "things." What woman doesn't feel better while shopping? The down side to this is, that it's just a temporary fix. I always end up wanting more. I recognise this all too familiar pattern, and I'm putting an end to it now. My first goal to getting back on my spiritual path is to conquer Non-Attachment. True happiness comes from within, not from material objects. I will say this though: In the past I have learned how to disconnect emotionally from objects- say they wear out or break. That doesn't bother me. I just need to learn again how to feel SATISFIED! :)

Brightest Blessings, xox

What is the meaning of a purple aura?

What Is Your Purple Aura Meaning?

It's important to note that the color of your aura changes all the time. While you might have a purple aura one minute, the next it could be blue or yellow. Aura reading is a very personal process, and the outcome depends on many factors. Interpretation of auras can change depending on a person's passions, hobbies, health, likes and dislikes.

Another thing to keep in mind is that the person reading the aura may have his or her own set of interpretations or insights that is individual to that person. Not everyone will see the same meanings in the colors before them. It is possible to get two entirely different aura readings from two different people within five minutes of each other, so make sure you talk to your advisor in depth about what he or she is saying and how it relates to you and your life.

Purple Auras and Spiritual Balance
If an advisor tells you that your aura is purple at the moment, this is a good thing! A purple aura (also known as violet and indigo) means that you are in a good space spiritually, and that you are close to experiencing a state of equilibrium and open awareness. While this might not necessarily be indicative of your current emotional state, it means that your spiritual sense appears to be approaching a higher purpose and more balanced reasoning.

For many belief systems, purple is the color of healing and cleansing, and its presence in a human aura indicates the soothing of pain in conscious and physical planes. You can even meditate on violet colors in order to trigger deeper awareness since purple hues are associated with the divine in many cultures.

Some say that the quality of the aura is a factor in its interpretation. Is your aura clear and bright? Or is it more muddled, faint or dark? In either case, there are nuances that factor into your aura clarity. While a clear purple aura can mean a balance between heart and mind, a dark purple aura can indicate a need to overcome an obstacle before achieving total balance.

[Pretty Interesting, and seemingly accurate.]

I don't wanna know!

My thoughts are all over tonight, so please bear with me. I've been wanting to blog for some time now, that my thoughts are boiling over. I'll try to keep it neat-whatever that means.

I've already written two entries here that I've deleted. It's a little intimidating knowing many can openly view this if they wish. Whereas I once had control over who seen my past blogs. Which gave me certain freedoms to act like an ass, or put my manic feelings into words & blurps etc. Now, I carry such a wide range of possible viewers- I don't want to offend, or form negative opinions of myself even. It's so easy to give the wrong idea via internet.

I will say that I'm not perfect... (disappointing I know lol) Somedays I've got it really together, and other days (like today) I totally don't, and want to jump off a bridge! Sounds kind of bi-polar now that I mention it. Hmmm.... interesting.... Needless to say I will try not to waste your time, by actually writing about "something" and not complaining about myself (although that can be funny too.)

So let's test out the waters, shall we? (one thing that's been on my mind lately- DRUM ROLL)

People airing their dirty laundry. I understand facebook is a networking site/a place to connect with friends and family but people don't know how to censor!! I'm sure I've done it too-but only to certain extents. And I've seen it out in public far too often as well- riding the trains listening to crack heads talking about their last fix and how they are going to get the next one (all while pushing their babies in strollers) on their way to a meeting. If you're a recovering addict, your other recovering addict friends might try and stop you from getting off at the Girad exit. It seems to me this type of conversation should be hush hush. Don't people have any self pride anymore? Or has drug addiction become that much of an epidemic that's it's normal to speak of such things in public? What is NORMAL these days? It's easy for this girl to feel un-normal in todays world because I'm not an alcoholic, or drug addict.

I find myself labeling others/ which I seriously really try not to do. So STOP making me do it!!! In exchange, it makes me feel like crap.

I heard on CNN this afternoon that government wants to pass a law, they will pay addicts $300 if they go on perminant birth control, & men get the ole snippy snip because there are far too many drug babies uncared for and being dropped off at hospitals year round. I have to say, I'd support this plan. But what about the actual DRUG EPIDEMIC itself?

I have to say, it worries me...the screwed up direction this country is headed. It's really getting me down, so much that I've given up. I'm done with expressing my right to vote, when all these politicians are ass raping the nation blind. It seems we're only voting on the lesser of two evils anyway. Why bother? My family has been screwed out of their jobs, screwed out of medical coverage, and still taxes are being raised, the cost of living keeps increasing. YOU'RE GOD DAMN RIGHT I'M WORRIED for the future of my family, and the future of this nation. Stress is catching up...so much that I'm in desperate need of a retreat among other things. I feel helpless, and my positivity is running out.

It's time to get a plan, and act on it. I need change that will secure my family's future. And that's what I'm thinking tonight. Get me the FUDGE outta here!!!!