My Funk goes Boom!

Expression is an art form in my world. Feelings, moods, visions all have been reflected through many forms & mediums.

My most recent form has been with digital photography. I took this picture just this past weekend of my good friend, who has been more than a pleasure to work with by putting up with my off the wall requests.

This photo screams to me, striking an emotion that resignates within, way beneath the layers left unpeeled. Or should I say re-sealed?

Philosophy will tell you to live for the NOW, because the past is done. And no matter what the past holds, it all happened to bring you to where you are now in the present. And though I hold no regrets of my past, I havent yet mastered the art of tuning out of a bad mood when I feel one coming. From time to time I feel like this picture. Alone in the darkness... nothing to hide, just there waiting. When can I come home?

I'm probably one of the more positive upbeat thinking people I know. But like everything I have a flip side. Blame it on being a Gemini, bi-polar, or just realistic, your choice. "There is always an equal and opposite reaction to every action." Sir Isaac Newton

Bleh... is the Funk that I'm in.
and sometimes it feels nice to just say "FUCK IT."

Power Points Pt 8

Power Points Chapter 8

• It's the attractive force of love that moves all the money in the world, and whoever is giving love by feeling good is a magnet for money.
• You can tell how you feel about money, because if you don't have all that you need, then you don't feel good about money.
• Love is the attracting force that brings money, and love is also the power that makes money stick.
• When you pay your bills, find a way, any way, to make yourself feel good. Imagine your bills are checks you're recieving. Or use gratitude and give thanks to the company who sent you the bill.
• When some money comes into your hands, no matter how small it is, be grateful! Remember, gratitude is the great multiplier.
• Feel love when you pay for anything instead of feeling bad because you have less money. The difference between the two is the difference between having plenty of money, and struggling with money for the rest of your life.
• Use physical money as your cue to remember to feel good about plenty of money. Imagine the front of each bill as the positive side, which represents plenty of money. Each time you handle money, deliberately flip the bill so the front is facing you.
• If you feel really good about success, no matter whose success it is, you stick success to you!
• Give in equal value to the money you recieve through profits or your salary. If you give more value than the money you're recieving, your business and career will take off.
• Money is only a tool for you to experience the things you love in life. The attractive force of love ha unlimited ways for you to recieve what you want, and only one of those ways involves money.
• Imagine being with what you love, doing what you love, because you will feel far more love than you will if you only think about money.
• The beauty of life is that when you put love first, all the money you need to live a full life comes to you.

The Key of Love. PP Pt 7

Power Points (The Key of Love) Part 7

• To use love as the ultimate power in your life, you must love like you have never loved before. Fall in love with life!
• See only love, hear only love, speak only love, and feel love with all your heart.
• There is no limit, no ceiling, to the amount of love you can feel, and it is all  inside you! You are made of love.
• Tell the law of attraction what you love everyday by singling out the things you love and feeling them.
• To change the way you feel, or to lift good feelings higher, make a mental list of everything you love and adore!
• Your job is to love as much as possible every day.
• Make a conscientious effort to notice as many things around you that you love, as much as you can each day.

The Key of Gratitude

• Everytime you feel grateful you are giving love.
• Be grateful for everything you have recieved in your life (past). Be grateful for everything you are recieving in your life (present). Be grateful for what you want in your life, as though you have recieved it (future).
• Your gratitude will multiply everything in your life.
• Gratitude is the bridge from negative feelings to harnessing the force of love!
• To use the power of gratitude, practice it. When anything good happens to you in your day, give thanks. It doesn't matter how small it is, say thank you.
• The more you feel gratitude, the more love you give; and the more love you give, the more you recieve.
• Every spare second is an oppertunity to be grateful and multiply the things you love.

The Key of Play

• When you play you feel really good -- and really good circumstances come into your life. Seriousness brings serious circumstances.
• Life is supposed to be fun!
• The law of attraction doesn't know if your imagining and playing, so whatever you give in imagination and play will become real!
• Whatever it is you want, use your imagination, use every prop you can find, create games, and play.
• Act as if you have it now! Whatever you imagine with feeling you are giving to the law of attraction, and you must recieve.
• If you experience a delay in recieving what you want, it's only because of the time it takes you to get onto the same feeling frequency as your desire.
• When you are excited about anything and you feel amazing, capture that energy and imagine your dream.

Power Points Pt 6

• Life presents everything to you for you to choose what you love.
• If someone has something you want, be excited as though you have it. If you feel love for it, you are bringing the same thing to you.
• When you see things you want, you are on the same frequency as those things!
• Life's catalogue contains things you don't love, so don't choose them by giving bad feelings.
• Turn away from the things you don't love and don't give them any feeling. Instead say yes when you see something you love.
• The law of attraction is responding to your feelings! It's only what you give that counts. The law of attraction--is the law of you.
• Give judgement and criticism and you give it to yourself. Give love and appreciation to another person or anything, and you give it to yourself.
• When people see a lack of anything, it's simply a lack of love.
• You are good enough now. If you have done something that wasn't right, your realization and acceptance of it is absolution for the law of attraction.
• It's your beliefs, true or untrue, that form your world.
• You're imagination is more real than the world you see, because the world you see comes from what you imagine and believe! What you believe and feel to be true is what will be your life.
• Whatever story you tell, whether good or bad, will be the story of your life. So start telling the story of your amazing life, and the law of attraction must make sure you recieve it.

Unnerved.

Our son has a mind of his own, or is it something more? I can stand right in front of him instructing him and I get a blank stare. He does NOT listen! Is it by choice? I wonder. Or is there an underlying medical reason for it? HOW many times must I repeat myself until I get through to him? It's averaging around 4-5 times or until I lose my temper. THEN and ONLY THEN, when my voice is hightened and annoyed will I get a reaction. Ugh.... Counting to Ten......

I wonder sometimes who the parent is. I'm constantly being ordered around by my 6yr old. Do this, do that. And God forbid I don't jump on command. He will nag the shit out of me for hours on end if he knows we are going somewhere, or wants something. And if he doesn't want to do something, I hear that too. Tears, whining, crying, the works. How can such a sweet boy be such a nightmare on the flip side of the coin? And when did I lose CONTROL?

Being ignored, and taken for some kind of push over is really getting me unnerved.

Remembering Romance

Looking back on photographs from my teenaged years really makes me smile. I was this young quiet girl, waiting to make my entrance into the world. I like to think that I was level headed back then. A budding artist wondering how I'd make my mark on this planet. Yet I knew I wasn't college bound. MISTAKE #1
That's why I try to make my kids see the importance in doing their absolute best in school so they can get into any college of choice hopefully on a full scholarship even better. This way they have some control over their future moneywise, more oppertunities. Don't rely on a trade! Own a company instead!

But back to the story of my youth. Haha... Life was so carefree back in the 90's. I was a shy girl, but had a healthy amount of confidence about myself. I knew I was young, and I was having fun as safely as I could. Well I tried not to do anything my parents would get upset about. I always kept a healthy open communication with my parents. I mean there were some things a teen just doesn't talk about but I always managed my safety well. #1 priority = safety.

I remember my social life really didn't begin until my freshman year. That's when I started venturing away from home to meet boys, sneak a beer, and low n behold, ride in cars with boys. All of which are grounds for punishment today under our parenting rules. lol I can still recall the Autumn cold, the smell in the air, the excitement the night held in store. And even still the comfort and security I felt in my boyfriends arms. Back then, the attention from a boy felt most amazing. Young and stupid... eventually that silly girl would grow to know she was NO ONES PROPERTY but her own. Not defined by a partner, but by her own character. But that's not where I'm going with this. I'm just remembering the simpler times, when the most important thing in the world was, getting a love note, a phone call, or a love song dedicated to you on the radio! Ahhh the good old days, when romance was booming!

I look back on the photographs I collaged of my friends. Most were just those in the crowd. I probably only kept 2 or 3 close friends throughout highschool. But even those friends would change up from time to time. Calling someone a friend, didn't come lightly. I guess it's been either a blessing or curse knowing what real true friends are supposed to act and treat you like. I've had the pleasure of growing up with my cousins, my family was always tight. And I've managed to keep my best friend from age 12, even up to date. So I guess that's why Im a little bit picky with who I keep around me. It's all been worth it this far.

One memory that strikes me at the moment; Freshman Father/ Daughter Dance 1990. Me and my dad pulled up to the school's gymnasium with a 6 pack of beer. Hahaha we drank a few to take the edge off before going in! We still didn't dance all that much but it's an awesome memory I'll always keep of my Dad :)

Another memory that stands out; My dear friend Carl was an ambulance driver at the time and so he would escort me to school some mornings- as like it was some kind of emergancy, lights and sirens going :) Another friend Ray would get me anywhere I needed to be "on time" in a matter of minutes. This dude knew all the back roads, and holes in the wall. Need less to say I deleveloped a need for speed! Driving fast was always exciting for me :) There are some days even now, when I just feel like ripping open the engine and seeing just how fast I can go. I don't... but I would if I could safely :)

Another favorite memory from my teen years: Boys used to leave gifts for me all the time in my front door or on the front porch :) Nice gifts too! Once I randomly got Poison Perfume- which I still like today. Tons of teddy bears and rose bouqets, chocolates, cards, love notes.... You name it. My younger sister always hated on me for it. Never was I so romanced than back in my teen years. I guess that's why I'm such a romantic today. Well not so much as when I was in my 20's. Things started cooling off in my late 20's. I was married and Chris and I had been together since I was 19 so all my romantic gestures came now from him only :) Haha and for the record "I'm not down playing him at all." Chris was always romantic and thoughtful. I think I was getting random bouquets of flowers and roses pretty much all of our marriage until about the past few years. The love notes have ceased, except in the form of facebook posts lol, the flowers I now buy myself.... But hey, it was a nice run. Can't remember the last time I was surprised or celebrated Valentine's day. hint hint... Nah Im just joking.

I know my guy is the one, and our family is solid. Everything we built together, our dreams, hopes, spirituality, it's all I'll ever need in life. Nothing can penetrate what we have together. We've come so far from our life's trials. We've grown to forgive, love unconditionally, and have compassion for each other. We invested so much in each other, now I am not sure what life would be like without the other. It might even be paralizing! Which can be scary to think about. I mean to place your total trust in another person with your heart, life, your everything- that take some major major consideration. And let me tell ya, in doing so didn't come easily. I had to hurt those I love most, and those I didn't care about, I hurt myself along the way too. But my trials were all neccessary, to get where I am today. Out from the ashes, I rose up like the phoenix! (hence my paniting).  My downfall all started by feeling unloved and from there it spiraled into a selfish unfeeling drinking spree (for those of you wondering). I had nowhere left to go but UP! And I'll forever remember the night, the exact conversation that changed everything for me. The unexpected but amazing compassion shown by my husband that would forever set us straight onto the spiritual path, but this time together (as it should be).

I sit here now, feeling completely contented. I couldn't ask for more from life. Everything else is gravy ;)

Trying to apply the power.

On Monday I had a lot of driving around the city to do with my daughter Dana, 7hrs worth to be exact. We had the Dr. appt for the yearly physical, had to have lunch because she left school before she could eat. Then we had to pick my son up from school, killed some time in Kmart picking up after Xmas clearance sales and shopping for my 6 yr old -he's long due for some new duds. His summer tee shirts and pants have lasted him until now. Time to update and make him spiffy :) Then, had to dropped him home with his dad while I picked up Dana's classmates from school (we have an arrangement.) Took one of them home, then headed to the pretzel factory for a snack. After that we went to Khole's department store to buy school pants for Dee. She's growing still.... into that curvacious young pertiful woman she will be. (which is happening all too soon for my Mommy-mind to absorb). By the time we finished trying on school pants it was dinner time so I took Dana and her buddy Chris to taco bell. On the way home we picked up the boyfriend and upon walking in the door nearly fell over! There's No Place Like Home!!!!

• When I came in the door, I noticed the 3 trash bags and boxes were still waiting to be taken out.
• My son still hadn't started his homework.
• No one thought to eat anything while I was out.
• And the  baskets of laundry were still in the kitchen waiting to be taken down.
• Shall I even bother to mention the bag of cat shit thats waiting to be taken out to the can?

So what has my husband been doing since I left? Certainly not the things I would've liked. Surely these things take priority over video games, tv shows and facebooking! Or so one might think. So before I allow myself to get furious, I'm trying to apply the POWER that Rhonda Byrne talks about in her book. Instead of allowing negative feelings to spill over, fill the cup with love instead..... So this is how I did that yesterday:

• I'm happy to have gotten 7hrs of bonding time with my Daughter, we had many laughs.

Today Tuesday: Started the day off well. Got a bright and early shower, kids off to school just fine. I decided to start cleaning up Jake's bedroom- what a disaster area! I only got as far as making his bed and sorting his clothing, ridding all the old stuff he no longer fits into before my energy crashed. My husband did help me out alot today by handling Jakes prescription coverage errors, and attempting to solve the ongoing pain in my ass medical coverage for the eye dr. The phone hadn't stopped ringing all morning as I tried to catch a nap. I did however manage to hide under my blankets until 1:30pm. Once out of bed I started preparing dinner, making salads, and apple crisp for desert. That took me right through til 5pm when my parents came for dinner. Not really getting to spend much time with my parents, we decided to play cards or a game of scrabble. Chris said ok to playing cards but obviously wasn't all that interested because he disappeared to the basement shortly after for a while. So SCRABBLE it was- I lost twice! but it was fun. We laughed and laughed, and my son and nephew played hard. Dana did her homework at the dinner table so she could share the company of my parents :) So what urked me today? ;

• My husband's disinterest in participating.
• My husband's short temper with the kids.
• My husband's constant use of the computer, as if nothing else is important.

So as I'm sitting here blogging about the annoyances of the night, I'm trying to pick out the positives to fill my cup with instead. So here's goes.....

• I may have spent a long time in the kitchen today, but I & my family enjoyed dinner and desert :)
• I didn't get to spend much time with my husband, but gladly my parents and daughter filled that space instead of no one at all.
• I may have been busy cleaning up at the end of the night, but my husband did manage to do homework with my son and bathed him for school tomorrow.
• While my husband facebooked, I changed out the pictures on my fridge with new happy fotos :)
• And Finally, I'm so pooped that I'm actually going to bed early tonight which may get me energized to do the laundry tomorrow- or better yet, something I actually enjoy like scrapbooking.

So in the end, while I still do not like these things; I'm not angry enough to start an argument. I just need to keep applying the Power of love and positive feelings.... and just hope for the  best.

Goodnight.... Until tomorrow.