My Chinese Zodiac

THE FIRE DRAGON 1916 AND 1976The Fire Dragon is a powerful force to be reckoned with. This is a Dragon doubled! The Fire Dragon can move from calm and collected to combustible in a matter of seconds. In some ways the Fire Dragon is his or her own worst enemy. These Dragons cannot help feeling they are valuable and all-knowing. When they are right their vehemence and vigor is an asset to the cause, and though they value objectivity, they do not always employ the best decision-making measures, and sometimes jump to the wrong conclusion. They also suffer from recklessness and quick tempers. Yet, when they do keep their temper, emotions, and rivaling spirit under control, they emanate a commanding influence on other people.

Dream Journal

Bridge


To dream that you are crossing a bridge signifies an important decision or a critical junction in your life. This decision will prove to be a positive change filled with prosperity and wealth in the horizon. Bridges represent a transitional period in your life where you will be moving on to a new stage. If the bridge is over water, then it suggests that your transition will be an emotional one.
 
~my bridge dreams are always over water and I'm always on foot walking acrossed. In this one, there were strangers walking with me, and it was extremely windy and gray skies. There were cars in the water that didn't make it across. I did make it across however by foot. Destination- Deleware South bound?
 

A work in progress.

Happy October! It's the most wonderful time of the year...for me anyway. Crisp cool weather, the changing leaves, Autumn mums blooming everywhere, & creatures preparing their food supply for Winter. Today however, I'm sitting here feeling lost. I think I have everything I've ever wanted, a working husband, two healthy happy kids in school, the house quiet and to myself. Oh how I LOVE being alone during the day...I may even enjoy being alone in the evening as well. So I don't know what my problem is. Am I bored? I should probably focus and read a motivational book or concentrate on crafting. There are many things I "should" be doing but, all I wanna do is crawl up into the fetal position and watch Charmed on TNT. Charmed makes me miss my bff even more. Life is shitty with my bf being hundreds of miles away :(

I am making plans for the family to do some fun Fall activities this month. We have already gone apple picking. I've been doing the whole baking thing, and in a week or two we'll be going to the haunted hayride/ mansion at Sleepy Hallow. Fun stuff. I think what I really want and have been lacking is my intimate connection with nature around me. Somethings off, like I've been disconnected and I truly dislike it. My mind is in a fuzz :( maybe an effect of the prozac? Saddening. Whatever it is, I need to fix it fast. Otherwise, I'll just continue to feel this blah disconnectedness.

I want to take a quiet walk in the park or some place peaceful. I want to watch and observe the wild life going about their business. I want to capture that awesome photograph, that special moment! I want that quiet peacefulness in my life but to be able to accomplish something fulfilling at the same time. Something I can't do when other people are around me bossing me around, stressing me out. But I don't walk in the park alone because it's dangerous. Why do I have to be a tiny female? Maybe I need to take a self defense course so Im not feeling so vulnerable when alone. Maybe I need to work on me! work on finding ways for my own personal liberation. hmmm....

On another note, I'm staying the course healthwise and staying with my goal to lose the extra weight. Yay me! Still doing weight watchers and it's working! 18.lbs lost!!! so far and I feel great. I've put away all the tents I've been wearing. The clothes especially tops that I have, have been getting too big. Most of my tee's are falling off me, and I pulled out some smaller tops that I had put away. I lost 1 whole size in jeans which is a good start. My goal is to lose 2-3 more sizes. It's been a noticable difference :) You know, my weigh had been out of control and making me miserable for years, it feels really awesome to finally have control over it again. Weight Watchers works!!! And I owe it to my Mom for making me go! I remember that day I stepped on the scale only to see I had gained 5 more pounds putting me at my heaviest weight ever! My world felt crushed and hopeless and I called my mom in tears. She took my hand and drove with me to the weight watchers meeting and got me signed right up. I was doubtful. But after being shown how to eat better and better portion, the weight started coming off right away! 2-4lbs a week :) a little at a time. And it's staying off too! Yeah there are those weeks in between, when I only maintain the weight loss but no gain is good! And I'm on my way back to a healthier outlook on life and myself. No more beating myself up! No more putting myself down! I'm self loving baby!! Cause if I dont learn to love myself, how can I expect others to love me? Actually, if I love myself- screw everyone else. I don't need their love. And I'm certainly finished begging for acceptance and approval.

I'm working on me now. And right now it's time for a healthy protien rich breakfast and some yoga to follow. Have a great day everybody!

Seasons Change: Catch Up.

September has come and we say goodbye to another summer. How quickly time flies when you're having fun. Actually, I really hadn't planned much to do this summer since Chris's unemployment checks ran out we've really been feeling the pinch greater than ever. But with the love and kindness of family & friends we've been able to enjoy trips to the aquarium & zoo, and days spent at the pool soaking up the sun. That's right! even my pasty ass got a tan this year so it hasn't been bad.

We celebrated Dana's sweet 16 down the shore with my parents this year :) Dana was able to bring her bff Ivanna along to pal around with. She said it was the best birthday EVER :) We were so lucky with the weather and timing of the trip too. We had perfect weather from the day we got there to the very hour we left to come home. Sadly Hurricane Irene slammed all the shore points hard, and caused some major damage inland as well. We know many who were badly affected and our hearts go out to them. Again, we were very lucky and managed to keep our power, and sustained no damage. The weather has been insane, we even had a noteworthy earthquake of 5.9! and the aftershock of 5.5 the night after. And during Irene tornado warnings were flying left and right. This has been one crazy week! The last earthquake Philadelphia experienced was over 200 years ago. Fascinating. My family and I were on the beach when it hit and we barely noticed. But people and neighbors back home said they were woken up by the house shaking. Again, no damage to our home thankfully. We just had some things knocked over or curtains that had fallen down. Our 3 cats seemed freaked out, and continued to be skittish for a week or two after. But they are all better now :) "Friendly is playing tag with Dana."

As my favorite time of year comes, with it the kids are back to school and I am getting a sense of peace and tranquility back in my life. Oh I forgot to mention, my hubby has finally scored a full time position over at the new charter school. We are all very excited! It's been two years since his lay off from NorthEastern Hospital. We were worried that this oppertunity wasn't ever going to come. He likes it. The pay isn't wonderful but it's a step up in the right direction. We are grateful. So it's true, prayers are heard and sometimes answered :) God always seems to give us what we need to get by.

Chris's Mom also contacted us over the summer in late July. We hadn't had any contact in almost 7years after she moved away and there were some unsettled feelings. It's a good thing Chris found his spirituality and learned compassion and forgiveness because he has invited her back into our lives, and the kids are getting to know her. It's nice having Betty back. It's good and were making the most of our time together this time around, because ya never know when it might be taken away again.

So as you can see, we lot's of exciting news, and healing going on, and excitement for the future. :) I wanna just take a minute and send a shot out to God/Universe for having our backs. I'm happy that we were able to learn from the curve balls, the harder times, the trial and plain old CRAP thrown at us. We're definately stronger, and have clearer minds because of it.

I'm now the proud mother of a junior in highschool and a 2nd grader :) This year Jake only cried for the 1st week. By the 2nd week he's been acting like a big boy. He must like his new teacher because he has done something this week that shocked the hell out of me. He's NOT giving me trouble at homework time!!! He's reading alone!!! and doing math worksheets on his own!!! He even counted money correctly!!! You might be reading this and thinking yeah so what, but what you dont understand is how hard it was for us to get him to focus last year. Homework was always frustrating for Jake and myself because he just simply didn't want any part of it. But the tables have turned and he's making his mommy & daddy & big sissy proud! The best part, is that he's much calmer and happier. Being away at school makes him more lovable and helping when he comes home :) can you say WINNING!!!!????

So now here I am enjoying my alone time again. The husband is out of the home working, the kids are at school, and here I am alone quietly with only my thoughts. I'm loving it! I've craved this for so long! Seriously I'm so friggen happy I could shit. I wake in the mornings now with a sense of importance, getting Jake off to school, a power walk, maybe some yoga if Im feeling it, and whatever chores that need done, I can now do them willingly with peace of mind and at my own pace. I'm a happy 35 years young cat lady again. I find myself looking for things to do, so I started organizing and planning out the dinner menu for the upcoming two weeks. I'm working on clearing out the clutter again. Somehow things always tend to get messy and disorganized "thank you family." I have time for reading again even though it's a sure way to put me to sleep. Everytime! So naps are back :) Plenty of facebooking and soon again blogging. I haven't blogged much because my thoughts have been preoccupied. It's much easier to concentrate without a demanding child, or husband blaring the volume on the tv. The change is good! My mother even said I was glowing :)

To top everything off, I'm excited about my 12.lb weight loss with weight watchers. I see and feel a real difference. And I'm never going to stop! I'm setting my goal for the end of December so I can start the new year off with my new body :) and attitude! Wish me luck! Pin Up pictures are in my future ;))

Look Out World She's on her way BACK! For real this time.

Weight Watchers

Every 6 months this body of mine seems to gain another 5.lbs. I've been battling with my weight now for about 5 years and I'm so sick of it. Three weeks ago I started taking serious steps to fix this. First by going for a check up and blood work to make sure things are normal, then I joined weight watchers and the gym. I really do feel better-the burden of sadness has lifted and I feel like Im finally doing all I can be doing to help myself now. My drive to suceed is great! I haven't felt this determined in over a year.

With the help of WW, I am learning to portion my food, and what good foods I should be eating. They make it so easy with the points plus system. I find myself still able to enjoy the foods I like without feeling guilty. And each week I lose more weight. My"peace"of mind comes from going to the gym 5 days a week for an hour at a time. I simply get my heart pumping on the treadmill. At this time I feel good walking at a steady pace for 3 miles a day. Which is doing my tummy and waist line wonders. I can feel and see a difference, and I plan to maintain it. Yay me! If things go well, I'm thinking by December I should be in my weight goal range.

Thursday night weigh in.
1st week- 1.8 lbs lost (no exercise just portioning better)
2nd week-  .6 lbs lost (50 minutes of exercise added)
3rd week- 4.0 lbs lost (10 extra minutes of exercise added = 1hr walk time) YEAH!!
4th week- 0.0 lbs (began a new med for clear skin)
5th week- 2.6 lbs lost
6th week- 1.4 lbs + (gained from vacation-not bad)
7th week- 3.6 lbs lost (added yoga)
8th week- 1 lbs lost (TOTAL so far 12.2 lbs lost)
9th week- 3 lbs lost
10th week- 1.6 lbs lost
11th week- 1.4 lbs lost
12th week- .06 lbs lost
13th week- 0
14th week- 1.6 lbs lost
15th week- .04 lbs lost
16th week- 1.4 lbs lost (TOTAL so far 20.6 lbs lost) Silver Bravo Star :) Yay!

Embracing Uncertainty

Embracing Uncertainty. Breakthrough Methods For Achieving Peace of Mind When Facing The Unknown-By Susan Jeffers, Ph.D.

Surving over two years of uncertainty where the future and security of my loved ones are involved due to the failing economy has toyed with all of our emotions time & time again. Yesterday I felt it was time to visit the library and see what literature popped out for me to read. This book grabbed my attention. I'd seen it there before, I think it's been recommended through previous authors I've read. But this time, I think I needed to read it.

According to the first three chapters, life is much easier to tolerate when we live by a "MAYBE" kind of attitude. Taking nothing for granted, and letting go of the control for perfect outcomes. Maybe it will be a good day, maybe it wont. We often need to be right about everything too, when we should be listening to eachothers point of views instead. Agreeing to disagree is better than having to know it all all the time. Maybe I'm right, maybe I'm wrong. Maybe you're right, maybe your wrong. We don't know the grand design of the universe and it's intentions. Science is based on a significant amount of guessing. So maybe there's a reason why this country is in crisis, maybe there's not. I'd like to think this country is coming to a new age, a realization that in order to survive we need to drastically change the way things are done in government. I like to think everything will work out in the end, but maybe it wont. Then what? I guess I'm learning that I have no control over the future. It will be whatever it will be. And only time will tell. We can only do the best we can in the mean time.

The "pinch" is greater now than it's ever been, and I hate seeing those I love carry such a big burden. We need a miracle....God, please....we need you.

Having no control over anything has been frustrating. But giving up control over everything can be liberating according to this book. So I'll let ya know how it turns out.

Promoting Self-Love.

For my birthday this year I was given a rose quartz candle holder similar to this one. And let me just say this.... "I LOVE IT." But that's what rose quartz do right? They are magical gemstones that promote self love, and open the universal pathways for love.

So yesterday I sat with my new quartz and quietly ignited it's powerful energies. You may not be a believer in this sort of thing but I'm telling you it works, and it's exactly what I've been needing. I feel wonderful. I feel a new found love for myself, that I've lost some time ago. I now feel back in touch with who I truly am, and I'm reminded of the things I once loved & enjoyed. xoxox

Two weeks ago, I placed 3 small rose quartz crystals next to my bed hoping to provide a lil something needed that has been missing. I've noticed a slight change, but then this large rose quartz found it's home here a week later, and I'm noticing instant results. :) Does anyone know of a tea light candle that burns for 5 hours at a time? Cause I lit this candle placed it bedside and it burned all night long, only to extinguish itself the moment I left the room this morning.