Smh.

As it turns out, I will be making a double layer specialty sheet cake on Winter Solstice for the deli employees my mom works with. I have some ideas that I think are cute but again, I wasn't thinking things through when I agreed to do it.... say oh um like it's the WINTER SOLSTICE! Amy, Amy, Amy... I SMH at myself sometimes. But oh well, I'd better make the best of it. I'll also need to fit in my weight watchers meeting too that night. Ugg......

And speaking of which, I am thrilled to say I've gone from 175.6 lbs (size 14) down to 149 lbs (size 10) so far in the process. My work is not yet done, but I'm so close to being the size that makes me mentally comfortable. My body isn't achey anymore and I have so much more energy. It's so refreshing! Having a structured system to live by has been the only thing to work for me. Thank You Weight Watchers for holding my hand through it. I can't wait to lose another 20lbs!

Christmas Eve is on Sunday, and I just started losing my holiday spirit this morning. But then again I started a week early this year (the day after Thanksgiving actually). There's just so much consumerism!!!! it's making me want to vomit-literally. I need to just stop-put a cork in the spending of cash I don't have to spend on stupid presents. Enough is enough. And ya know, I do it every year whether I can or not...we find a way to provide Christmas for our dear loved ones even if it breaks us, or we have to sell our souls to the devil himself (we know he doesn't exisit but you catch my drift). Who we're really selling our souls to is BIG BUSINESSES that brainwash us everyday to SPEND SPEND SPEND! You need this, You need that! This THING will make you happy! But happiness can only be found within ourselves...right? Well not if you have kids that want, want, want. A parents love and a fruit basket isn't cutting it. And even though each year I love watching the excitement in my childrens faces as they open their gifts, the nausea sets in once all the gift wrap and bows are cleared away, and the huge pile of trash sits waiting to be sorted and broken down into the recycling baskets. Because, yes...once again I've bought into the BIG BUSINESS's plan.

Don't hate me because I'm feeling a lil BAHUMBUGGERISH just days before the big day.

I usually try to distract myself with planning little activities for the family to do around the holidays, making memories. But this year it seems we've all been just a little too busy and tired to do anything. We havent gone to see the lights, or bake cookies. We haven't made gingerbread houses or even really settled in to watch Christmas movies yet. We did however go to NYC to see the Rocketts Christmas Spectacular :) That is something we don't get to do usually. I think I can be happy with that.

Stay tuned.... I have some Child Ranting blogs ahead in the near future. lol
Until then, Happy Holidays, Merry Christmas, Happy Kwanza, and Happy Hanukkah!!!

Verbal Assault Vehical

One step forward, two steps back. That seems to be a life theme here. Repeating God awful lessons until they are perfected or at least sink in some what. So I sit here thinking to myself, "how many times will I get it wrong until I learn already?" The answer..... No more. I don't like hurting others with stupid unthought out unkind words. The problem lately it seems, is that I've been running my mouth without fully thinking it through first. And that's wrong. How do I go from a quiet person that never voices an opinion to a diarhetic verbal assault vehical? Have I become so jaded by the people and circumstances around me that I forgot how to respect the feelings of those I may be hurting? Wow.... so yeah these are the questions that have been weighing on my mind this week.

It's the second time, this stupid lesson is rearing it's ugliness. Something must be learned from it & it needs to stop here. This blog will help remind me of that. As I look back over this past year searching for clues as to what changed in my life, asking when exactly did I start to slip backward away from the positive path I was on..... I don't think it was anything in particular but perhaps a mesh of things and people getting my goat over time that has led me back to a harsh and sarcastic front. Sure it feels GREAT to shield & protect my feelings behind sarcasm but over time, I've lost my way- strayed from the path. It just goes to show that personal development is a task done "everyday" and is never ending. I wont beat myself up over it, because humanity is not perfect. I make mistakes, and sometimes I make them more than once. But I refuse to make this mistake again. For now on, I will take extra care to think before I speak or post things that discriminate against others. I will try and get back to the kind loving person that I was becoming. It's time to make that effort, and hopefully make it stick.

Life's lessons certainly keep things interesting that's for sure.
Here's to a nicer tomorrow.
xox

November Check In

Wow, time flies. Where did October go? I'll tell ya where it went, it went straight to hell! Christmas krept in even earlier this year than usual! I can't even get into the halloween spirit anymore- Thanks Santa. WTF! Anyway.... we "fell back an hour" and it's screwing everybody up around here. We're all fricken sleepy by 8pm anymore lol or is that just old age? I can't really tell.

November 1st 2011, my grandmom Dot left this hell hole for the bigger party in the sky. She waited for All Saint's Day to go marching along. I have to smile picturing her dancing and singing with her noise makers all the way up the stairway to heaven. I'm certain she was greeted by so many loved ones and friends that went before her. She out lived most of them at age 90. Grandma lived a full life, full of happy and funny memories. She was always telling a joke or story. When I look back over her life in my 35 years time, I have to smile. She was such a people person, something I am not. Many loved and were loved by her. Everyone in Port Richmond knew her as Grandma Dot. I'm glad I got to spend some time with her in the weeks prior to her passing, but seeing her in so much pain and discomfort made all of us feel helpless. God bless my Dad and Aunt Ginny who took such great care of her, and spent many nights a week visiting with her. You are saints!

And now, it's almost Thanksgiving all the planning is stressing me out a little. But our hearts have opened wide and full of forgiveness and healing. We invited family over this holiday to our home for appetizers, dinner and dessert. With much to be thankful for, we have Chris's Mom Betty back in our lives, as well as my sister Cheryl & her hubby Art & Jeremy who will be expecting a little girl in March. It was perfect timing how this all happened. After years of bitterness, Chris and I "both" had a moment of awareness without even talking about it. Was it the passing of grandma that opened our hearts? I'll never know, but it just feels right to have forgiveness and our family back together reguardless of things that happened in the past. Maybe blood really is thicker?

This year I am Thankful!!!! For everything and everyone!

Still going strong with my weight watchers diet. Lost 21.lbs holding steady but would still like to loose 20 or 25 more. I feel much better about myself and I'm able to wear clothing "not tents!" haha I think just being able to wear normal clothes has satisfied me for now that my losses each week have been minimal. I need to set my next goal to achieve the next smaller size in my closet. Just as soon as ThanksGiving passes I will hit the gym full force, and restrict my diet again. I need some significant results.

We started Christmas shopping early this year. Just had to, not by my choice! So needless to say, Christmas is finally creeping into my heart. The tunes and jingles are playing here at Casa de Wons :) and my lists for shopping are constantly being revised. I hope we can make it all happen in time for everybody. Chris has been working everyday!!! My Dad too!!! The guys are tired and falling apart without a day off in between. Thank goodness for the holiday this week- they will finally get a long weekend break. But they have to soak up the OT while they can if there's going to be a christmas this year. Thanks guys for all your hard work! Santa will bring you a stock of medicated ointments & potions for your aching bods. <3

My Chinese Zodiac

THE FIRE DRAGON 1916 AND 1976The Fire Dragon is a powerful force to be reckoned with. This is a Dragon doubled! The Fire Dragon can move from calm and collected to combustible in a matter of seconds. In some ways the Fire Dragon is his or her own worst enemy. These Dragons cannot help feeling they are valuable and all-knowing. When they are right their vehemence and vigor is an asset to the cause, and though they value objectivity, they do not always employ the best decision-making measures, and sometimes jump to the wrong conclusion. They also suffer from recklessness and quick tempers. Yet, when they do keep their temper, emotions, and rivaling spirit under control, they emanate a commanding influence on other people.

Dream Journal

Bridge


To dream that you are crossing a bridge signifies an important decision or a critical junction in your life. This decision will prove to be a positive change filled with prosperity and wealth in the horizon. Bridges represent a transitional period in your life where you will be moving on to a new stage. If the bridge is over water, then it suggests that your transition will be an emotional one.
 
~my bridge dreams are always over water and I'm always on foot walking acrossed. In this one, there were strangers walking with me, and it was extremely windy and gray skies. There were cars in the water that didn't make it across. I did make it across however by foot. Destination- Deleware South bound?
 

A work in progress.

Happy October! It's the most wonderful time of the year...for me anyway. Crisp cool weather, the changing leaves, Autumn mums blooming everywhere, & creatures preparing their food supply for Winter. Today however, I'm sitting here feeling lost. I think I have everything I've ever wanted, a working husband, two healthy happy kids in school, the house quiet and to myself. Oh how I LOVE being alone during the day...I may even enjoy being alone in the evening as well. So I don't know what my problem is. Am I bored? I should probably focus and read a motivational book or concentrate on crafting. There are many things I "should" be doing but, all I wanna do is crawl up into the fetal position and watch Charmed on TNT. Charmed makes me miss my bff even more. Life is shitty with my bf being hundreds of miles away :(

I am making plans for the family to do some fun Fall activities this month. We have already gone apple picking. I've been doing the whole baking thing, and in a week or two we'll be going to the haunted hayride/ mansion at Sleepy Hallow. Fun stuff. I think what I really want and have been lacking is my intimate connection with nature around me. Somethings off, like I've been disconnected and I truly dislike it. My mind is in a fuzz :( maybe an effect of the prozac? Saddening. Whatever it is, I need to fix it fast. Otherwise, I'll just continue to feel this blah disconnectedness.

I want to take a quiet walk in the park or some place peaceful. I want to watch and observe the wild life going about their business. I want to capture that awesome photograph, that special moment! I want that quiet peacefulness in my life but to be able to accomplish something fulfilling at the same time. Something I can't do when other people are around me bossing me around, stressing me out. But I don't walk in the park alone because it's dangerous. Why do I have to be a tiny female? Maybe I need to take a self defense course so Im not feeling so vulnerable when alone. Maybe I need to work on me! work on finding ways for my own personal liberation. hmmm....

On another note, I'm staying the course healthwise and staying with my goal to lose the extra weight. Yay me! Still doing weight watchers and it's working! 18.lbs lost!!! so far and I feel great. I've put away all the tents I've been wearing. The clothes especially tops that I have, have been getting too big. Most of my tee's are falling off me, and I pulled out some smaller tops that I had put away. I lost 1 whole size in jeans which is a good start. My goal is to lose 2-3 more sizes. It's been a noticable difference :) You know, my weigh had been out of control and making me miserable for years, it feels really awesome to finally have control over it again. Weight Watchers works!!! And I owe it to my Mom for making me go! I remember that day I stepped on the scale only to see I had gained 5 more pounds putting me at my heaviest weight ever! My world felt crushed and hopeless and I called my mom in tears. She took my hand and drove with me to the weight watchers meeting and got me signed right up. I was doubtful. But after being shown how to eat better and better portion, the weight started coming off right away! 2-4lbs a week :) a little at a time. And it's staying off too! Yeah there are those weeks in between, when I only maintain the weight loss but no gain is good! And I'm on my way back to a healthier outlook on life and myself. No more beating myself up! No more putting myself down! I'm self loving baby!! Cause if I dont learn to love myself, how can I expect others to love me? Actually, if I love myself- screw everyone else. I don't need their love. And I'm certainly finished begging for acceptance and approval.

I'm working on me now. And right now it's time for a healthy protien rich breakfast and some yoga to follow. Have a great day everybody!

Seasons Change: Catch Up.

September has come and we say goodbye to another summer. How quickly time flies when you're having fun. Actually, I really hadn't planned much to do this summer since Chris's unemployment checks ran out we've really been feeling the pinch greater than ever. But with the love and kindness of family & friends we've been able to enjoy trips to the aquarium & zoo, and days spent at the pool soaking up the sun. That's right! even my pasty ass got a tan this year so it hasn't been bad.

We celebrated Dana's sweet 16 down the shore with my parents this year :) Dana was able to bring her bff Ivanna along to pal around with. She said it was the best birthday EVER :) We were so lucky with the weather and timing of the trip too. We had perfect weather from the day we got there to the very hour we left to come home. Sadly Hurricane Irene slammed all the shore points hard, and caused some major damage inland as well. We know many who were badly affected and our hearts go out to them. Again, we were very lucky and managed to keep our power, and sustained no damage. The weather has been insane, we even had a noteworthy earthquake of 5.9! and the aftershock of 5.5 the night after. And during Irene tornado warnings were flying left and right. This has been one crazy week! The last earthquake Philadelphia experienced was over 200 years ago. Fascinating. My family and I were on the beach when it hit and we barely noticed. But people and neighbors back home said they were woken up by the house shaking. Again, no damage to our home thankfully. We just had some things knocked over or curtains that had fallen down. Our 3 cats seemed freaked out, and continued to be skittish for a week or two after. But they are all better now :) "Friendly is playing tag with Dana."

As my favorite time of year comes, with it the kids are back to school and I am getting a sense of peace and tranquility back in my life. Oh I forgot to mention, my hubby has finally scored a full time position over at the new charter school. We are all very excited! It's been two years since his lay off from NorthEastern Hospital. We were worried that this oppertunity wasn't ever going to come. He likes it. The pay isn't wonderful but it's a step up in the right direction. We are grateful. So it's true, prayers are heard and sometimes answered :) God always seems to give us what we need to get by.

Chris's Mom also contacted us over the summer in late July. We hadn't had any contact in almost 7years after she moved away and there were some unsettled feelings. It's a good thing Chris found his spirituality and learned compassion and forgiveness because he has invited her back into our lives, and the kids are getting to know her. It's nice having Betty back. It's good and were making the most of our time together this time around, because ya never know when it might be taken away again.

So as you can see, we lot's of exciting news, and healing going on, and excitement for the future. :) I wanna just take a minute and send a shot out to God/Universe for having our backs. I'm happy that we were able to learn from the curve balls, the harder times, the trial and plain old CRAP thrown at us. We're definately stronger, and have clearer minds because of it.

I'm now the proud mother of a junior in highschool and a 2nd grader :) This year Jake only cried for the 1st week. By the 2nd week he's been acting like a big boy. He must like his new teacher because he has done something this week that shocked the hell out of me. He's NOT giving me trouble at homework time!!! He's reading alone!!! and doing math worksheets on his own!!! He even counted money correctly!!! You might be reading this and thinking yeah so what, but what you dont understand is how hard it was for us to get him to focus last year. Homework was always frustrating for Jake and myself because he just simply didn't want any part of it. But the tables have turned and he's making his mommy & daddy & big sissy proud! The best part, is that he's much calmer and happier. Being away at school makes him more lovable and helping when he comes home :) can you say WINNING!!!!????

So now here I am enjoying my alone time again. The husband is out of the home working, the kids are at school, and here I am alone quietly with only my thoughts. I'm loving it! I've craved this for so long! Seriously I'm so friggen happy I could shit. I wake in the mornings now with a sense of importance, getting Jake off to school, a power walk, maybe some yoga if Im feeling it, and whatever chores that need done, I can now do them willingly with peace of mind and at my own pace. I'm a happy 35 years young cat lady again. I find myself looking for things to do, so I started organizing and planning out the dinner menu for the upcoming two weeks. I'm working on clearing out the clutter again. Somehow things always tend to get messy and disorganized "thank you family." I have time for reading again even though it's a sure way to put me to sleep. Everytime! So naps are back :) Plenty of facebooking and soon again blogging. I haven't blogged much because my thoughts have been preoccupied. It's much easier to concentrate without a demanding child, or husband blaring the volume on the tv. The change is good! My mother even said I was glowing :)

To top everything off, I'm excited about my 12.lb weight loss with weight watchers. I see and feel a real difference. And I'm never going to stop! I'm setting my goal for the end of December so I can start the new year off with my new body :) and attitude! Wish me luck! Pin Up pictures are in my future ;))

Look Out World She's on her way BACK! For real this time.