Baby Hatchlings

Approximately 6:15am this morning, the Crows nested just out front were teaching their 6 babies to leave the nest. The commotion outside my window had me roll out of bed to find out what the heck was going on. Other birds were chirping, squirrels were making that hissing squeaking sound they make and the baby crows were squawking times 6 of them! I watched for 5 minutes as the parentals bounced from tree limb to tree limb squawking for their young to follow. All but 1 seemed to catch on pretty quickly. The one sat alone on the limb after it's siblings left, whistling quite beautifully. I didn't know crows could whistle so nicely. Good for you little one for being unique. I think I read somewhere that crows live to be about 30-50years old. I wouldn't mind having the whistling crow stay nearby. Before now, I never realized how noisey and loud they can be. But I'd take their noise over the noise of my ignorant neighbors and city life any day.

Shape Your Future with Law of Attraction

Catching up!

I've been feeling pretty good these past few days, happy and grateful for our home while it's still ours to keep. I've been grateful our marriage has grown as strong as it is today and for our kids being mainly pretty healthy and doing well in school. I'm proud, I'm happy, and I've been satisfied. I've been taking the time to admire the flowers, the birds and bees, and I was even fortunate enough to see a white butterfly visiting my garden yesterday TWICE! To see a white butterfly is said to bring good luck :) So why then is my next door neighbor hassling me about my beautiful flowering dogwood tree that borders both properties?

While fertilizing my azaleas this evening, my estranged neighbor Ray comes outside to tell me "again" that he wants to cut the branches off my tree that cross the property line. I asked him again why he wanted to do such a thing. He insists squirrels are bothering his windows. I've looked over the tree and the branches do not even extend near to his windows because Chris keeps the branches pruned back from his home. It's just an excuse to be an asshole. He's been telling me for 10 years now that he hates my tree. Somehow I believe him this time when he says he'll cut it down.

So I said to him with frustration in my voice "GO AHEAD!" If you want to war with me, DO WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO!" With that after throwing my hands up in the air I stormed in the house. He's never seen me that angry and I hope it sends a real message. Either do it or shut the fuck up old man. I can't recall the last time he actually had something nice to say other than a complaint of some kind. The only time he speaks to us is when he or his family needs a favor. We used to talk all the time about 5 or 6 years ago. I'm not really sure what happened. He was diagnosed with prostate cancer and I really think it went to his brain! The main has a shitty relationship with his wife and frankly I think he's just a bitter miserable man looking to take some kind of control over anything he can in his life. Why not get picky over my tree? After all it's not hurting anyone. If anything it's providing him shade on hot sunny days- since he uprooted his tree a few years ago.  ::sigh::

If he touches the tree, I swear.... he will regret it. After all the noise I put up with his three ankle biting barking dogs day in and day out, and I haven't complained- oh yes he will regret he ever messed with me. I'll turn into the neighbor from hell! How many times have we helped them out over the years? and this is the thanks we get? ok pal. I have your number.

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We've been having some really warm and beautiful weather these past few days. It's been making me so sleepy! It just feels so nice to curl up in the sunlight and siesta with the breeze and wind chimes singing. Ahhh lazy mornings and afternoons. Sucks for accomplishing anything. Imagine if there were no such concept of time? What if there were no clocks dictating our day? What if we just went about our business in our own good time? The idea sounds rather tantalizing to me. To be here and now- without rush or hussel. Present!

Chris and I have been day dreaming about the future. (hows that for an oxy-moron ^ ) We plan to hang around here until Dana graduates high school. Then we plan to follow our dreams and leave the city. But, until then we've accepted this to be our dwelling and continue putting everything we love into this as our home and hopefully the future owners will love it as well. We plan to pave the back yard into a driveway and build a deck off the kitchen :) just as I've always dreamed of doing. How lovely it will be to have outside dining and entertaining! I can't hardly wait! French sliding glass doors of course are a must! Unless.... I can find something on a Japanese zen design :) Then there would be no need for curtains. Hmmmm.... Also the bar would get a complete makeover as well. Everything must go! New tiled floors, new bar design in the opposite end of the room, totally refashioned into a zen den :) But with the stripper pole back in place haha. Plasma screen tv's mounted appropriately, and plenty of room for dancing! Why not make the best of the last remaining 2yrs?

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I've been fascinated with a pair of ravens that have nested just out front the house about two doors over. I've been watching them for the past month or so stake out the perfect nesting tree. Finally they've decided to settle, meanwhile paying my dogwood a visit almost daily to collect branches for their new home. Loud birds they are... They caw alot but it doesn't bother me. I like to imagine what the conversations are about. I wonder if they are expecting to lay some eggs soon. It's been at least 8 years since I've seen baby crows around. Come to think about it, I haven't seen any robins around lately either. Hmmm..... Still I continue to refill the bird feeder once every three days hoping to observe the different birdies that stop by for a meal.

I took all my plastic flowers out of my window boxes upstairs, hoping the morning doves would nest there again. I even layered one of them with some raffia to tempt them, but they have not come. :( I remember a time when I felt a tight bond with the critters around me. Now I feel like I must re-establish the trust. So sad. But I'm sure it will happen.

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This week was back to school week after spring break that just ended. Chris takes us to school in the mornings but he has to leave right away to get back to work- therefore I walk home. Which I don't like until Im actually in route enjoying all the blooms and Lilacs scenting the air. Mmmm lilacs! I must get 1 or 2 for my property. Such a delightful scent! Maybe I'll line my property with them to cut of my troublesome neighbor. But he'd surely want to cut them down as well- grumpy old man.

So today, while letting Jake run off some energy in the playground I sat quietly hoping the other parents stayed away. I don't know, but I hate talking to strangers. And they're all just so weird over there! I'd rather keep quietly to myself to think, notice the little things about the kids, listen to the laughter, watch the cloud formations. Call me a dork, maybe I am! So I walk Jakers to his line and his teacher doesn't come out. Every morning my little dude worries about getting a substitute teacher. With tears in his eyes he resists staying in his line without me beside him. But then the gym teacher comes out to get them, and they all erupt with excited cheer! The girls running up to hug him, the boys high fiving him. Quickly the frown turned upside down and all was ok in the world as he waved to me goodbye. :) And once again, I was on my route home smelling the lilacs in the air, concentrating on tightening my muscles as I struggled to power walk in Adidas sandals. lol

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I've been trying out some really good recipes from my new vegetarian cookbook this week. I'm pretty proud of ourselves for really sticking to it. But then it's easy to do when you change your way of thinking and actually give a shit about what your eating. This week I made Lemon Pepper Bow ties with Asparagus which was ok. Not a huge fan of lemon pepper recipes but tried it anyway. Then I made Tortellini soup & salad which was fantastic, and even better the second day for a snack. And today we had rice and bean enchiladas! Holla! they were delish! We celebrated Easter at the olive garden with my parents and my sister's family where Chris and I had eggplant parm. OMG wanna talk about YUM? this was so good I licked my plate clean hahaha, well not really- my bread stick licked it clean ;) I did indulge in dessert by having a white chocolate raspberry cheesecake slice, mmmm which I enjoyed so much I was in a state of bliss for hours after! Seriously! I think not eating stuff like that anymore really sent me into some strange state of happiness. Endorphin overload! Hahaha

So this evening, I sat down to watch two tear jerking movies... what better way to level my emotions right? Extremely happy to really sad. I should level off somewhere in the middle don't ya think? The kids and I watched Hachi a dogs tale. Richard Gere starred in it- such a nice film based on a true story about loyalty. And the other was Serious Moonlight starring Meg Ryan. Dark comedy that had its moments and made me cry lol. A lot of touching stuff right thurrr. :)

Anyway... I'd better cut out now, I think I've already written a chapter or two.
Until next time.....

Time for a reinvention :P

Sometimes I don't know whether to give up or dive deeper into my work, family, health, or life in general. It would be so easy to just give up and give a big ole middle finger to the world, but really I don't want to go out like that. So it may be time to reinvent myself. And that's exactly what I've started to do. Healthwise, it's paying off. I feel good! Lately, I feel so good I forget how old I actually am. Yesterday I was goofing off trying to immitate my goldfish when they are hungry.... I did a flying leap into the air with the most tramatic looking face, sending the family into a fit of hysterics! Last night and through most of the day today I was suffering excrusiating pain in my theighs and back side knees. Ahh why yes, that new scent I'm wearing is BEN GAY! simmered on high with a heating pad! lol I feel like a 100 bucks now by the way.

Oh and since Im eating nothing but healthy these past few weeks, Im hoping my lack of artificial hormone intake smooths over soon. I am a 34 year old mature woman and should NOT be having facial breakouts! For crying out loud! Im not sure if I have lost any weight yet (I avoid the scale) but I definately have more energy and mentally feel thinner. My husband noticed :) or was he being nice?

Anyway, I've taken up an interest family wise again. I forgot how much I've enjoyed spending time with certain family members :) Laughter and enjoyment have returned, and my days aren't so blah blah blah anymore. I actually give a shit about things other than me! How about that? lol Sleep is overrated anyway. Spring is here and I want to enjoy it. I hope by Summer, I'll be well on my way to bathing suit shopping!!! Hello! Hell I'll be happy just to fit into a cute mini skirt, and form fitting top again. I'm planning on having a bonfire for all my cover ups and baby doll tops & big butt jeans! Hoot Hoot! Can I get a size 6 please? I've decided to settle for a size 6 instead of my glorified size 4 (I always mention.) It's more realistic, but who knows what natural body God really intends me to have. I've stopped eating the CRAP! I might be a size 4! Here's hoping! Mentally Im ready, and Im mentally preparing to dive into an exercise program next. I just recieved SKINNY BITCH BODY. 

Another area I'd like to reinvent myself is with my photography. I think now Im ready to be a little more picky and choosey. My vision of final outcome is becoming more clear and certain. I know the quality of work I want to produce, and Im ready to make it happen. :)

Living Life in the Zen Lane

I have to say that I've been feeling pretty good considering. That's a matter of perspective of course. Since I've weened off anti-depressants & other hormone replacement meds I've felt awesome emotionally and mentally, but DAYUM... I forgot the mood swings and body aches pms can bring. LOL. Apparently so did my husband as I was yelling at him in the super market last night. Poor guy, but he shouldn't ask me stupid questions and then patronize me during this time of the month lol.

I swear it's like I've been gifted a new mind & body with a new sense of touch, healthy appetite, and feelings. Guess I never realized how desensitized I was these last few years. It's one thing to take medicines when you absolutely need them, and it's a whole other process of "knowing when to ween off them." I'm so glad I did. Because I feel so alive! I feel so blessed to have a wonderful husband who loves us and cares enough to do anything for us unconditionally, two beautiful kids, awesome parents, and great friends that I consider to be family. I'm even happy to have 3 cool cats, a frog, and 3 gold fish, and 1 iguana that I have fostered out to my Dad. lol

I chose to wake up. And I've been doing extremely good sticking as closely as possible to a no meat diet. I've even started making the changes to quit dairy replacing them with organic soy based products. I'm buying fresh fruits and vegetables too and plenty of raw nuts for healthy snacks. And so far I cant complain. I tried tofu the other day instead of general toas chicken, cant promise I'd ever order it again but it wasn't awlful. I think I'll just stick to the vegie dishes instead. Mmmm... Who needs meat anyway? It's definately a mind set. I am starting to feel a difference body wise though the scale says I havent lost weight. I don't feel as bloated, or water retentive. I had worn a top today in which the sleeves and tummy were a tad tight three weeks ago. Today I had some room! It's always reassuring when I can slip into a pair of jeans and actually feel comfortable instead of sucking my gut in only to leave the button undone anyway. Yay Me!

Meditation has left me feeling completely and utterly fantastic. I was floating all day, even though I spent 2 hours wasted in a family court waiting room with "he who shall not be mentioned" it didn't bother me one bit. Because I was calm cool and collected and a FORCE TO RECKON WITH! So what if he is a lying no good for nothing scum bag... I have the facts and truth on my side. And that my friends, goes a long long way. The truth will set you free :) If you remember passed blogs I posted, you might recall how upset scumbag used to get me. I feel FREE now knowing and accepting, "hey it is what it is." Have no expectations especially of him. He's most likely never going to do the right thing where my child is concerned. Selfish no good people never change their spots. He's cememnted that proof in stone. There's a reason why we didnt stay together. Thank God we didn't. My life couldn't be any more perfect than it is. Even during this uncertain time in our lives. At least we know, we always have each other. "Family & Friends."

I really havent felt this great in years. This ZEN HEN has resurfaced finally :)

Skinny Bitch is Changing my Life.

You know that certain point of desperation, & you say "THAT'S IT" something must be done, NOW!? Well, I've had it. Last week after being down about my weight, I went shopping with my Mom. My wake up call came while trying on spring dresses at Target. GUH!!! I thought I was at my largest last summer, but once again I broke the record for this year. And I'm saying enough is enough. Obviously it's not going to go anywhere unless I make the change. A conscious change to choose a healthier way of eating and living. And my food choices changed that exact same day. Grilled, not fried. Salad with fat free dressing, not french fries. Water not soda or sweetened drinks.

I had picked up a new book while shopping called "Skinny Bitch." It was blunt, harsh, and funny. What started out to be about healthy food choices turned into a campaign to turn vegan. Not vegitarian, VEGAN! meaning no meat, no dairy, and all organic products. The result being the skinny beautiful body you always had but couldn't find. Normally I'd be like "HA" yeah, "NO CHANCE of THAT" happening because I love my meat and dairy. But the authors of the book are realy convincing! It becomes more about the cruelty behind the scenes that goes on, the lies and big business marketing behind healthfood adds and commercials. Organizations put in place that are supposed to oversee the food packaging process out of health concerns for our nations citizens are lieing to us all! Lies lies lies!!! The information in the book is backed up with tons of facts, and info collected from various studies, laws, and statements that you yourself can double check for authenticity. It's seriously been an eye opener for me personally. The cruelty farm animals endure for our consumption is unethical and disgusting! I for one do not want that KARMIC residue. And so I have decided to make serious changes in my diet. But it doesnt stop there! I'm more informed now about all the chemicals that are put into our foods and other products like health and beauty aids! We can't even pronounce the shit thats named on these ingredient lables, yet alone the ones that are not required by law to even list. READ YOUR LABLES PEOPLE! Inform yourself! With a conscious effort, you can live healthy. I am starting to do just that.

This entire week I've been following a simple food plan. Fresh fruit for breakfast, a salad for lunch, and a light meal for dinner. Dinner time has been tricky to start because I have a fridge stocked with planned dinners and snacks we would normally eat so it's a process. Eating healthier is my step 1. Soon I will wean off all read meat, then poultry. Not only is it cruel to eat it, it sits in your colon unable to fully digest for years!!!! No wonder I cant lose weight. Holy shit speaking of shit- I cant shit normally either! Now I know why. Detox Detox Detox! I've cut out all soda (not that I really drank it anyway) and artifical sweeteners and sugar have been a big one for me. I'm sticking to tea instead of coffee too. I use natural honey instead, no dairy creamers. And it's really not been that hard to do! which is totally suprising the hell out of me. It just goes to show- I can do it once I put my mind up to it.

My husband and I went out to dinner with friends on Friday and it was a true test. I passed by ordering a vegatarian meal. I really had limited options so vegan was out of question. Being it was a social night I endulged in 2 margaritas and 2 beers that evening which would be a big NO NO on any other typical day. (Hey I have to make allowances-I dont want to stop living afterall). Oh and there were some cheese fries later that evening. So no one said it was going to be easy especially when impaired lol. But I will do better.

The weekend passed and I the cravings were in full force. Damn it, the price to pay for indulging the night before. Skinny Bitch advises to refrain from old habits for at least 30 days- by then you will have come so far, that you wont dare blow it. So here I am, starting week #2 still wanting to walk this path. Water is my friend :) I dont need sweeteners. I don't need that box of Mike n Ikes or that chocolate chip cookie. Ok maybe just a couple.

Right now Im feeling guilty about all the unhealthy food in my pantry. I hate wasting food especially when money has been tight. So the plan is to eat it sparingly, and hopefully stick to this plan somewhat until it's all out of here and replaced with fresh fruits and vegetables instead. Another big part of living healthy is exercise. Yeah haven't quite gotten to that part yet. But I'm thinking about going for a daily walk to build up my energy to start.

The one thing I am REALLY excited about is weaning from prescription medication that isn't needed any more. Getting rid of even more pullutants! Birth control gone, and adjusted to. Anti-depressants gone, and so far so good. I only have one more thyroid medication that I may be very well stuck with forever unless I can get super healthy with diet and exercise. I have to tell you, being off the anti-deppressant has been "just wow!" I feel alert, alive, and I have a physical sense of feeling back to my body. I feel things! my body hurts! my finger tips arent desensitized! The first week I started weaning myself and eating better was physically hard because the headaches were non-top. But I got through it without disrupting the detox process. And I mean taking nothing for the headaches. I let my body work it out on its own. And guess what? I lived! lol

My husband, wants to join me partway on my new health kick plan. He's smoked his last cigarette!! He's cutting out red meats, and he wants to go on daily walks with me :) Perfect! I can't think of anyone else I'd like to walk this path with more. I feel a nice change happening for us... All my wishes are slowly being answered. Thank You Universe.  Now... about that windfall of cash and a big beautiful place to live....

K'Naan - People Like Me [LIVE]