Tuesday, February 8, 2011

The Raven

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary,


Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore,

While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,

As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.

"'Tis some visitor," I muttered, "tapping at my chamber door —

Only this, and nothing more."







Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December,

And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor.

Eagerly I wished the morrow; — vainly I had sought to borrow

From my books surcease of sorrow — sorrow for the lost Lenore —

For the rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore —

Nameless here for evermore.



And the silken sad uncertain rustling of each purple curtain

Thrilled me — filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before;

So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating,

"'Tis some visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door —

Some late visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door; —

This it is, and nothing more."



Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,

"Sir," said I, "or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore;

But the fact is I was napping, and so gently you came rapping,

And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my chamber door,

That I scarce was sure I heard you"— here I opened wide the door; —

Darkness there, and nothing more.



Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,

Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before;

But the silence was unbroken, and the stillness gave no token,

And the only word there spoken was the whispered word, "Lenore?"

This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the word, "Lenore!" —

Merely this, and nothing more.



Back into the chamber turning, all my soul within me burning,

Soon again I heard a tapping somewhat louder than before.

"Surely," said I, "surely that is something at my window lattice:

Let me see, then, what thereat is, and this mystery explore —

Let my heart be still a moment and this mystery explore; —

'Tis the wind and nothing more."



Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter,

In there stepped a stately raven of the saintly days of yore;

Not the least obeisance made he; not a minute stopped or stayed he;

But, with mien of lord or lady, perched above my chamber door —

Perched upon a bust of Pallas just above my chamber door —

Perched, and sat, and nothing more.



Then this ebony bird beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,

By the grave and stern decorum of the countenance it wore.

"Though thy crest be shorn and shaven, thou," I said, "art sure no craven,

Ghastly grim and ancient raven wandering from the Nightly shore —

Tell me what thy lordly name is on the Night's Plutonian shore!"

Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."



Much I marveled this ungainly fowl to hear discourse so plainly,

Though its answer little meaning— little relevancy bore;

For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being

Ever yet was blest with seeing bird above his chamber door —

Bird or beast upon the sculptured bust above his chamber door,

With such name as "Nevermore."



But the raven, sitting lonely on the placid bust, spoke only

That one word, as if his soul in that one word he did outpour.

Nothing further then he uttered— not a feather then he fluttered —

Till I scarcely more than muttered, "other friends have flown before —

On the morrow he will leave me, as my hopes have flown before."

Then the bird said, "Nevermore."



Startled at the stillness broken by reply so aptly spoken,

"Doubtless," said I, "what it utters is its only stock and store,

Caught from some unhappy master whom unmerciful Disaster

Followed fast and followed faster till his songs one burden bore —

Till the dirges of his Hope that melancholy burden bore

Of 'Never — nevermore'."



But the Raven still beguiling all my sad soul into smiling,

Straight I wheeled a cushioned seat in front of bird, and bust and door;

Then upon the velvet sinking, I betook myself to linking

Fancy unto fancy, thinking what this ominous bird of yore —

What this grim, ungainly, ghastly, gaunt and ominous bird of yore

Meant in croaking "Nevermore."



This I sat engaged in guessing, but no syllable expressing

To the fowl whose fiery eyes now burned into my bosom's core;

This and more I sat divining, with my head at ease reclining

On the cushion's velvet lining that the lamplight gloated o'er,

But whose velvet violet lining with the lamplight gloating o'er,

She shall press, ah, nevermore!



Then methought the air grew denser, perfumed from an unseen censer

Swung by Seraphim whose footfalls tinkled on the tufted floor.

"Wretch," I cried, "thy God hath lent thee — by these angels he hath sent thee

Respite — respite and nepenthe, from thy memories of Lenore

Quaff, oh quaff this kind nepenthe and forget this lost Lenore!"

Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."



"Prophet!" said I, "thing of evil! — prophet still, if bird or devil! —

Whether Tempter sent, or whether tempest tossed thee here ashore,

Desolate yet all undaunted, on this desert land enchanted —

On this home by horror haunted— tell me truly, I implore —

Is there — is there balm in Gilead? — tell me — tell me, I implore!"

Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."



"Prophet!" said I, "thing of evil — prophet still, if bird or devil!

By that Heaven that bends above us — by that God we both adore -

Tell this soul with sorrow laden if, within the distant Aidenn,

It shall clasp a sainted maiden whom the angels name Lenore -

Clasp a rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore."

Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."



"Be that word our sign in parting, bird or fiend," I shrieked, upstarting —

"Get thee back into the tempest and the Night's Plutonian shore!

Leave no black plume as a token of that lie thy soul hath spoken!

Leave my loneliness unbroken!— quit the bust above my door!

Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!"

Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."



And the Raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting

On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door;

And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming,

And the lamplight o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor;

And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor

Shall be lifted — nevermore!



—Edgar Allan Poe

Chronicals of an Insomniac. pt 1

Now I lay me down to sleep.... laying in bed my mind a creep. AHHH!!! Not sure why I'm so wide awake after sunset, and so dead to the world during the day. Maybe I'm a vampire, but I haven't grew any cool fangs yet so that can't be right. And my nails are so hard to grow, they are nothing like any subhuman creature that I know. Anyway it's 4am and I've been tossing and turning since 2am because my mind is fully alive and thriving with thoughts and ideas at that hour. Ugh it's so frustrating when my mind wont quit, and learn to function on normal hours like everyone else. It's no wonder I sleep all day.

So I've decided to start a new series of blogs called "The chronicals of an insomniac." (If that's even what I should call myself- cause technically- well you know my deal.) It's about all the random thoughts that go through my head while trying to sleep like the rest of world. Maybe I should move to New York! The city that never sleeps! It is thriving with artists and musicians, people of all sorts trying to make the spot light. I could fit in, if only I could stand the over crowded population factor. UGH, can I ever win? lol

K so, I'm laying in bed  sound asleep (yeah more like what you'd call a 2hr nap) when I wake thirsty as all hell. I gulp down the bottled water on my nightstand and go to the bathroom to make a tinkle. I'm trying to do this with my eyes closed because the light will instantly wake me up, and I know this. Being highly accident prone in the dark, with my eyes closed no less I am forced to turn on the light- which could be a good thing because I just so noticed we were out of TP. So back to the linen closet for some rolls of tp I go. So Im on the pot, and I change the roll which requires some thought "do I place the paper roll up or down?" hmmm... I left it to chance, which happened to be up! and I thought well, Tiffany would be happy about this. So yes, Im sitting on the toilet at 2am thinking of my dear friend Tiffany... nice. She should feel loved lol. (Tiff has this weird thing about tp placement.) And soooo.... needless to say this all got the ball of thought rolling.

I try to go back to sleep anyway. And as I try finding my comfy spot between my hubby and the cat stretched out somewhere in the middle, my eye catches a shimmer of light reflected from a mirror of a passing car I suppose. My mind begins to analyze whether or not thats what it actually was. It's much more fascinating if it were something supernatural, but not this time. My gaze shifts out the window from bed admiring how my patio light illuminates the branches of our dormant dogwood tree... I begin thinking how lovely those branches would be in a new art piece I'm stirring up. I spend another 30 minutes or so planning out the details for that, when my tummy makes a sound. Guess I shouldn't have drunk that cherry cola before bed earlier. teehee.... my poor husband- I think I woke him up. But the cat didn't seem to mind, and she was in prime position for the worst of it. (which btw, she did eventually move. lol)

My mind then shifts to photography and some ideas I have. I must buy some more backdrops! More more more! The problem is, my creative ideas work on such a grander scale, my wallet cannot keep up, nor does space allow. And you know how I feel about limitation. That was another blog entirely. I'm destined for greatness... I just need to figure out how to do it on my budget right now. Now that's where creativity really sets in. So now I'm toying with lighting ideas as Im tossing still trying to get comfortable. Oh no the cola is really building up now.... sigh... I leave the room to be a little more discreet, but this would only continue on for the next hour. So here I am wide awake at nearly 5am blogging. And even as I write this, Im wondering why my scalp has been so itchy and flakey this week when it occurs to me- I ran out of head n shoulders and have been trying to use up the other bottles of shampoo that have taken up residence in my shower. All to save a buck, and for the sake of the environment I guess.... it's not nice to be wasteful. So why did I have to buy the bulk size again? Ugh it's a viscious cycle.

I could go on and on..... even now I'm forming a shopping list of materials to pick up. I'm thinking about reupholstering the chair I bought for an amazing $5.00 in a trendy yet fashionable zebra print. I think it would serve me well in some pictures I have planned. Ohhh I need to get to that fabric store asap! I really need too find hair combs for those hats I made too. Shit! I could kick myself sometimes- for letting it get down to the last minute for things. I promised those hats to be ready and shipped last week. UGH but I can't find COMBS anywhere! I need to get out and find them tomorrow afternoon at the latest and get them in the mail, which will have to be express mail now. The damn shit is starting to add up cost wise. This is why anything I ever do- hardly brings any profit. TIME is AGAINST me.

and so...before I get whiney and start complaining I'm ending this here. To all of you sleepy heads sleeping right now, rest well... I'll surely find my rest after the sun comes up and you're all heading to the job, or school, or wherever it is you go. I have yet another two hours before I have anything that "needs" doing. So I suppose I'll just sit here and listen to the rain on my window. And debate whether or not I want to suprise the family with a  hot cooked breakfast- since... well... I have nothing else to do. hahaha

Ciao until tomorrow night my friends.

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Mother Nature has Frozen Over!

What the heck is going on with Mother Nature? A really bad case of PMS! And has everyone given up, stopped caring? I mean really... shovel the freakin sidewalks people. It's bad enough driving in icy snowy conditions, yet alone having to walk in it and pavements aren't cleared. I mean seriously must everything be a struggle? Kids are just trying to make it to school to gain an education, the least you can do as a community is make sure the pathways are clear and safe to walk on. I seen so many children slip and fall today "on school property" no less. Hello? maintenance! Is no one doing their job anymore? Oh Im sorry it must be a personal snow day- fuck the rest of the world.

The neighborhood was in an angry horn honking frenzy this morning over at the school. The children & parents are trying to cross safely at the intersection, OVER MOUNDS of unshoveled snow and ice being RUSHED by the crossing guard no less, and all these people in cars can do is lay heavily on their horns. SERIOUSLY PEOPLE? The crossing guard has a mouth on her too... always screaming nasty remarks to drivers only to contradict herself in the next breath. Don't even get me started on the security guard over there. He's a NAZI! who makes up his own rules. No one likes him, and it's ashame the school is  missing the whole point of parking & zoning. So much hostility.

Monday, January 31, 2011

Blue October - Into The Ocean


Fuck- I need a fucking break or a fucking change...something!
I wanna swim away but don't know how.
Let the rain of what I feel right now come down.

Feeling a disconnect coming on- leave me the fuck alone.

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Our 1st Dinner Party

Last night we celebrated close friendships with 6 of our dearest friends over our first dinner party. It was really nice having everyone here with us enjoying some bizzar conversation over an Italian dish and many many bottles of vino. We think it was a success.

It was nice to finally do something for everyone, like host something as "grown up and sophisticated like" as a dinner party. lol. My favorite part of the planning are the details. I had a ball putting the table theme decorations together :) I went with a "Winter theme of blue, silver and white. And I forgot to take a picture damn it! Maybe someone from the party did, and I'll share it with you here. I dimmed the lights and the table was illuminated by candle light & adorned with fresh white floral arrangements. And Chris had Dean Martin playing for dinner music. Haha I'm a very happy girl.


There was ALOT of love in the house last night. Our friendships keep growing tighter and tighter. I feel blessed to know and befriend every single one of them. Our extended family :)
xoxox

So...do aliens exisit? what about that shaft? was he really there Toni because Rick remembers! lol ahaha

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Don't Worry

Success. After a couple trying years and hard times, we as a family can finally say we've been able to adopt Bob Marley's Three Little Birds as our theme song. And it sure feels good.

It is my wish that all of you can someday find that happy place as well, and stay in it!

Monday, January 17, 2011

Seeking Heaven


"All the principles of heaven and earth are living inside you." -Morihei Ueshiba (1883-1969)

Heaven Is Within You.
Ancient texts say that "heaven is within you," and what they're talking about is the frequency of your being. When you leave your human body, you are automatically on the highest frequency of pure love, because that's the frequency of your being. In ancient times the highest frequency of pure love was called heaven.

But heaven is for you to find here in this lifetime- not when your body dies. You are to find heaven here, while you're on Earth. And indeed heaven is within you, because heaven is the frequency of your being. To find heaven on Earth is to live your life as the same frequency as your being- pure love & joy.